Page 107 of When You Blush
Fuck, that’s a small baby.
“For a few minutes, I thought he was going to rally. I knew he’d have a tough road, but then everything just went to shit, and nothing we did worked.”
“Hey, it’s not your fault.”
“Maybe if another nurse had been there?—”
“No, Harper. You know as well as I do that isn’t how it works. We can do everything right, down to the letter, and still lose them. It happens every day, and it’s not your fault. At twenty-five weeks, that baby had very little chance, and add on to it he only had one kidney? This wasn’t your fault.”
She sniffs and wipes her nose and then nods. “I know. But I wish there was a differentoutcome.”
“I do too. Mom is going to be okay?”
“Yeah. She was a bleeder, but they got her stabilized. She was so devastated that she was pretty much catatonic by the time I left. Those two are going to need some therapy.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and rolls into me, holding me tightly, and I hug her just as close.
“It’s going to be okay,” I tell her. “What a shit day. I’m so sorry. What do you need?”
“Hugs.”
“I have a lot of those.” I kiss her temple. “Maybe a bath? Some wine?”
“I have to work tomorrow. No wine. I’ll shower and should be fine. I just couldn’t fall apart at the hospital and held it together until I got through the door.”
“This is your safe place, Harper. It always will be. You can cry or yell or do whatever you have to do here.”
“Thank you. It smells good in here.”
“That’s fajitas on the stove.”
“Are they ruined?”
Probably, but I have more I can cook up.
“Not at all. Go grab your shower, and dinner will be ready.”
She sighs and cups my face in her hands, and Iknowshe wants to tell me she loves me. It’s like when we were on the trail, and I could see it all over her face.
“I love you too, baby.”
Her eyes fill with tears again, and I brush them away.
“I’m fine, my love. I feel it every day. I don’t need the words. Gotake your shower.”
“Can I wear your T-shirt?”
I smile and brush my nose over hers. I love that my clothes bring her comfort. “You can wear whatever you want.”
“I just need fifteen minutes.”
“There’s no rush.”
She climbs off my lap and grabs her bag, then sets off for the primary suite. I take a minute to breathe.
It’s true. I don’t need the words. How she feels about me is written all over her.
“I’m having a heart attack.”
