Page 20 of Quarantined
Milo never expects anything from me. Yet, all I do is try to make him happy. I’d probably walk to Milo’s dorm every day if I thought he’d give me a pat on the back and say, Good girl.
Oh God. Another horrifying realization crosses my mind.
Reid made it sound like I am a lovesick puppy, filled with more than brotherly love and admiration for Milo. I can see why he would make that presumption.
I always trust that Milo knows best. I don’t do anything unless Milo approves of it. And I do everything I can to make Milo happy or proud of me. In my obsession with making Milo happy, I have been acting like some desperate adolescent with an infatuation.
I text him all the time. When he sleeps over at the house, I seek him out, in search of words of encouragement about my accomplishments or academic success.
Even Reid misconstrued my feelings, and he can read me like a book. What must Milo think of me? Oh, God. I must make him so uncomfortable with my “advances.”
I am so ashamed of my behavior. Milo must think I am pathetic, throwing myself at him. I am acting like one of those “groupies” who chase the Sinclair brothers. I am a psycho stalker.
Well, it all stops today. Milo is still my hero. I will always seek his approval.
I can’t change my need for his approval, but I can stop acting so desperate.
Reid is right. I need to put some distance between Milo and I. I need to ration my texts to him. Our phone communication needs to be limited to the subject of chores and responsibilities.
Reid is looking at me tentatively, as I am making all these decisions in my head.
I decide to let him into my thought process. “I seek Milo’s approval because I can’t bear the thought of another guardian leaving me. I do have a parent complex. I want to make him proud like I want to make my parents proud. But you have to trust me, this is about my abandonment issues, rather than any romantic interest.”
Reid silently nudges me to continue. “I did get sidetracked, in my own fucked up head. You are the most important person in the world to me. I am so sorry I made you feel otherwise. Thank you for talking to me. I mean it. I didn’t realize how poorly I was behaving till you explained how my actions might come off. I promise you, I will work on a more appropriate relationship with Milo. You are my other half. I’d never jeopardize that.”
Reid looks visibly relieved. He breaks out in the biggest grin, nearly splitting his face open. “Damn. If I knew it was going to be that easy, I would have told you when we were fourteen. Why do you have to be so mature and understanding all the time? I was looking forward to the fight.”
“If you like, I can still fight you. Let’s call it your birthday present.”
“Is that your way of telling me that you didn’t get me a real gift?”
“You mean you don’t want the present? Fine, I won’t fight you.”
We are both grinning now. Reid grabs one of the flutes from the limo bar and pours me a glass of champagne. He takes my hand and quickly kisses it before handing me a flute.
“So… I am your other half, huh?”
“Well, duh! What are we going to do when we have significant others? Who the hell will deal with our codependency? At this rate, I am going to die a virgin.”
“If you are worried, I can help you take care of that.” That boy is such a flirt when he drinks.
“Please, I don’t need you and all of your STDs to break my hymen.”
“Your hymen will love all my STDs.” Reid winks. “But seriously, Rave, why are you still hanging on to it? Waiting for someone special?”
“Meh. I feel like I am never going to be interested enough to go all the way. I considered going lesbian.”
“You did?” Reid leans up close to me. I almost fall with a fit of giggles. Shit, we are both drunk.
“I totally forgot to tell you. I almost kissed Amy Flinch a couple of years ago, after a house party.”
“No fucking way. What happened?”
We both start laughing at Reid’s ridiculously interested face. We are plastered.
“Honestly, I pulled away at the last minute. I just didn’t feel the chemistry. That’s what it comes down to; science. We are attracted to people because of the smells and pheromones. Attraction is undeniable. We can’t explain it. I just haven’t experienced it.”
“I know what you mean.”
