Page 45 of Quarantined
He can’t be any more clear about what he wants. I just don’t know why he needs me inthatway. Why have the dynamics of our relationship changed so suddenly?
I am feeling out of control with confusion. But I can’t deny him, not when he is crumbling. Everything I am is because of him.
I think back to the first day when Milo moved me into this house. My father was so absent-minded, he forgot to pay the utility bill, and left me in a house with no electricity. My phone was dead, and there were no adults in the house. What if an intruder had broken in? I could have been raped, abducted, killed.
If it wasn’t for Milo, all of those things could have happened to me. My negligent parents would have been none the wiser. They still don’t care like Milo does. They haven't even called or texted to check that I made it back safely to New York City. At least I am almost an adult now. Back then, I was a scared little child. A damn proud little child. Milo broke through that. He taught me that it was okay to ask for her help.
He didn’t have to do that for me. He didn’t have to take me in. He didn’t have to become my legal guardian. He was only eighteen, a few months older than I am right now when he became my guardian. I can’t even comprehend being responsible for another human being at this age. The paperwork alone must have been excruciating to get through.
Yet, he did it for me. So maybe I can do this for him. Like I do with everything in my life, I just need to compartmentalize this moment and focus on one objective. And my objective is to “fix” Milo because he sure as hell looks broken. I just need to create and catalog some justifications in my mind, or else I might back down. I think fast and start to list the reasons.
Reason 1:Experience. The extent of my sexual history is limited to a few blowjobs and handjobs with Michel. I can gain more experience and become better, with someone I trust.
Reason 2:Sexual Satisfaction. Piggybacking off of that, Milo is experienced and knows what he is doing. If I am to believe the gossip, he is amazing in bed. My own experience with him so far is reflective of that.
Reason 3:Sexual Empowerment. I am not into slut-shaming. I am all about sexual empowerment. I don’t judge others for their sexual inhibitions, and I don’t have an actual code of principles when it comes to sex. Granted, my current motivation is not exactly empowering or honorable. Maybe I feel guilty, or maybe I feel indebted to Milo. However, Milo is saying he only needs me right now. For the first time in our relationship, I hold all the cards. That's oddly empowering. Sexual empowerment is what I choose to make of it.
Reason 4:Curiosity. I have always been curious about exploring the sexual realm. The only reason I haven’t explored more is simply because I haven’t met anyone that really appealed much to me. No one still does. Maybe I just need a little push, like right now.
My decision is made up by the time Milo’s lips trail down my neck. In a swift movement, I unbuckle Milo’s belt, unbutton his jeans, and pull down his zipper. I reach inside for his dick to pull it out. Dropping to my knees, I swirl my tongue around his tip and close my mouth over his cock.
“Fuck, Rave.” Milo sounds bewildered. It happened so fast that I don’t think it registered with him till my mouth was on his dick.
“Oh my God. Fuck baby! Oh shit,” Milo is groaning loud enough to be heard in Jersey. I am glad Reid and Mia are not home yet.
One of Milo’s hands land in my hair, tugging restlessly, letting me know exactly what he likes.
“Baby, stop,” Milo suddenly yells. He is still breathing harshly but now it’s for a different reason. I have distracted him enough from his panic attack. “I am gonna come in your mouth if you don’t stop.”
I lift my head as Milo lifts me to stand. His expression changes from lust to… a weird look I can’t identify. He frowns and narrows his eyes.
“Where did you learn that?” He sounds surprised.
Should I tell him about Michel? Isn’t there a cardinal rule, don’t talk about other men during intimate moments? Not sure about what to do, I stay quiet.
“Raven, I asked you a question.”
“Umm…”
“You said you haven’t been with anyone before.”
“Yes, I haven’t had sex before.”
“But you have done… that. With someone else.” It was a statement, not a question. So I don’t answer.
Milo’s eyes flare-up. “With who?”
“A guy I dated.”
“You brought a guy here and sucked him off? A few doors down from where I sleep?” Milo’s voice is shaking. I have never heard him so angry.
I am instinctively taken back. Milo grabs one of my arms, refusing to let go till I answer.
Why is he angry? Milo is only twenty. It wasn’t that long ago when he was seventeen. He must know seventeen-year-olds in this city are sexually experienced. He has caught Reid with plenty of girls in his room. At least I am a virgin. I don’t know anyone else my age, who is.
And Milo himself is no saint. Women throw themselves at him. As a result, Milo’s sexual history started earlier than seventeen. He has an extensive list and must have brought girls back here.
Wait!Come to think of it, I have never seen Milo bring a girl to his room. I guess Milo does not approve of Reid bringing girls to his room, and it’s not the precedent he wants to set.
