Page 84 of Quarantined
This is true. Milo might have started our sexual relationship. But every time my parents rejected me, I sought out Milo. Our physical connection is this crazed magnetic pull that never dies down. But that’s it. Attraction and sexual satisfaction. I took comfort in his arms and in the oblivion he provided.
I am surprised he would throw that back in my face. Milo used to be my hero. When did he turn into the villain in my book? He never tried to make me feel bad before.
“Because I trusted you,” I try to speak evenly. “I went along with it because I didn’t think you would ever steer me wrong. We both made a mistake.”
“Keep telling yourself that. You love me, but you’re too scared of what people will think. I can’t do it like you can, Rave. I can’t sacrifice what I want, in fear of what people will think.”
Milo scoops me up.
“Milo, what are you doing? Let me go,” I shriek.
He doesn’t respond. When did he become like this? He manipulated tonight so he can take advantage of me. I knew it.
Milo pushes the door open to my room and drops me on my bed. I immediately try to jump back up. But he lunges at me, effectively pinning me down. I am petrified with shock and panic.
“Milo, get off me,” I try to speak steadily.
His hand moves down my body and slips easily inside my shorts. He starts to finger me.
“I don’t know how else to make this clear to you,” I say as calmly as I can. “I don’t want to have sex with you.”
“Then why are you so wet Raven,” he murmurs in my hair. “Your thong is soaked.”
Fucking hell! He taught me everything I know about sex. I am always aroused when he wants me to be. No wonder he doesn’t stop.
“Because I am a teenager,” I say, refusing to give him an inch. “Everything gets teenagers horny.”
“Stop lying to yourself. And stop fighting this.”
“Milo, I am saying no. You are supposed to respect my wishes. You know that, right?”
He doesn’t respond. My own protests are soon replaced by shame as he works me. I fall into a climax like never before, the moment he gives me the right friction on the right spot. I grab onto his shoulders as I shudder from my orgasm. Milo doesn’t miss a beat, as he pulls down his basketball shorts and slips inside me.
“Fuck. I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much." Kissing and nipping my lips, he tenderly pets me as he comes inside me.
He slumps on top of me. Kissing my temple, he reminds me of what my body already knows. “You are mine. You will always be mine."
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Milo
I have to stop. I am so ashamed of my behavior, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I have to dig deep and find the strength inside me to stop my behavior.
If a girl says no, you stop. It’s as simple as that. I know that. I have never done anything otherwise.
So why can’t I stop with Raven?
This whole week has been a fight. A battle with myself, a battle with my sick urges to take what’s mine and a battle with Raven.
Before we started a physical relationship, I denied myself what I wanted most in the world. But I could control it because I had no idea what I was missing out on. I didn’t know what it was like to be with her.
Being with her is this potent, mind-boggling, addicting dosage of cocaine. One hit and I was hooked. Food, money, life, success, friends, family; there is nothing I won’t sacrifice. There is nothing I can prioritize in my lust-filled sick mind, that's worth stopping this madness for. Nothing placates me till I am inside her.
No matter how many times I have been with her, I just want more. It’s this sickening addiction, that's getting worse every time I am with her. My body has built up a tolerance. I need more of her to get the same high.
I can’t go on feeling like this. This insanity, this infinite obsession, this lust, it has to end at some point. It has to at least slow down. How can it increase by the day? Isn’t sexual tension supposed to decrease once you have had sex? When will this craze end?
I remind myself that I did stop for a few weeks after we started our physical relationship. Even after I became an insane human being, driven only by lust and my need for that girl, I managed to stop. She told me it was over. I stayed away for a few weeks. If I can do it once, I can do it again.
