Page 102 of Isolation
Thishasto stop.
Ithasto for Raven’s sake.
I have to find an alternative where I don’t lose myself or lose her. Then I wouldn’t have to be this persontoher, and I don’t have to live this lifewithouther.
I have to fix this.
CHAPTER 12
Present
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Milo
Raven was always an over-analytical kid. Spacey. Dreamy. Creative. But when thatincidenthappened, it's like she spaced out to go into a different world that she created for herself inside her own mind to escape her harsh reality. The harsh reality that I created.
My craving for a physical relationship stems from my need to solidify that she loves me. Her love that is like a drug. Better than drugs.
Our physical connection is the only thing that provides me with proof of Raven’s feelings for me.
But that need of mine has the exact opposite effect on her. It makes her believe that I don't love her.
Just like how Raven silently loves unconditionally, she also silently stands up for herself.
She might not have hated me all of these years. She might not have turned me in. But she also refused to put herself in that position again.
Raven used to tell me,people treat you the way you let them treat you.
Raven didn’t like the way I treated her so she took herself out of the situation without harming me.
I fear that our last conversation is now instilling the same thought process in her.
If she can’t identify a reason to justify my actions, then there is no way for her to accept our newly developing relationship. Worse yet, there is no guarantee for her that it won’t happen again.
The threat of me morphing into the other guy will always remain for her, as will the fear.
Our past is shaping our future in the worst way possible.I have already seen the changes in her. Lack of sleep. Lack of eating. Lack of engagement.
Oftentimes I find her lying around in her bed, looking very much like Tessa. The sight gives me a shudder all the way down to my system.
While Raven doesn’t post on social media, Reid does. Looking at their photos over the last couple of years, I can't help but notice that she is happy. No dark circles. Healthy weight.
Raven makes everything in my life better through her actions, while Reid is the one who makes everything better forherin her life, not me.
And if I can’t do that for her…the worst thoughts keep coming to my mind. Thoughts that should not exist in my brain. Thoughts like, perhaps it's better if I let her go than watch her get destroyed.
Our only communication exchange since yesterday has been through texts, all of which keeps reminding of the same appalling thought.
Milo: Hey baby.
Rave: Hey you.
Milo: Are you feeling any better today?
Rave: Somewhat.
Milo: Do you want to go on a hike later?
