Page 148 of Isolation
If she hates what I am doing to her, then why would she deal with this shit?
That's not Raven's style. She usually stands up for herself. I have seen her do it plenty of times.
She obviously loves me. She just can’t admit it. She is fucking crazy, but I already knew that.
“If you are not going to tell them, then be with me.”
“Never.”
Anger starts seeping through me. I am so fucking frustrated. I have already lost all of my patience. I don’t know how else to reach her. She is being unreasonable.
“Rave, you are so out of touch with your emotions, you don't even understand your own feelings. You love me, but it's like you can't access that part of yourself. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to me?”
Raven shakes her head at me, dismissing me like she always does. Predictably, Raven tries to use another avoidance method to walk away.
I grab her by the elbow before she can do the same thing, but Raven turns to slap me across the face.
“Do not fucking touch me!” Raven roars.
“You are such a confused little girl,” I yell back. “You don't know what you want. You need me to tell you what you want, like always.”
That’s what this is about. I get it now.
After all, she told me that she loves me. But Raven is young and doesn’t see things clearly. I have to make this decision for the both of us.
Truth be told I never had a choice in this matter. I have already tried to let her go for years, but we belong together. There is nothing more to it.
It’d be unnatural for it to be any other way. I can’t fight nature, just like she can’t fight her destiny.
“I don't love you. Now get off me.”
I grab her wrist as she tries to twist out of my hold. She can’t. She can’t leave me. Nothing in life will ever make sense again if we are not together.
Raven screams for me to stop. For a brief moment I consider exactly that; stopping this insanity and letting her go.
An immediate panic and an unbearable desperation takes over at the thought. I can’t stop.
She is mine. She truly is mine in every sense.
She understands our physical connection. When we are together that’s the only time she doesn’t over analyze this.
In the snap of a moment I am on top of her on the carpet. “Please, baby, please don't fight me. I love you so fucking much. You are all I ever wanted.”
Raven is thrashing under me, her shirt ripped to pieces, buttons scattered all over.
Things are getting out of control. I am aware of that. I just can’t stop once this collision course starts.
She looks scared.
She is crying.
I really should stop this insanity. And I would if there was another way.
We have to connect.
I can’t even breathe without her right now. If she gives in, then it will be okay.
She will understand why it needs to be this way. Raven always understands.
