Page 159 of Isolation
We ended up talking for hours. I wouldn’t say that “we made up,” but we got along.
I’d still never see her as that girl I once loved. However, after years of feeling dead on the inside I finally felt emotions again which was exhilarating.
I could tell that the same was true for Raven. When I first saw her at that doorway, there was a spark missing in Raven. She looked as dead as I felt.
But throughout the weekend the color on her cheeks came back. She was lively again.
We learned a lot about each other's new lives.
Raven is currently attending IFA in Paris for her undergraduate degree. It’s a three-year program. Despite what happened with her parents, Raven still wants to follow through with her commitment to work with her Mom. She really needs to stop loving people unconditionally. Some people don't deserve her love.
As for me, I decided to go to New York University. My undergraduate is a four year program, so Raven is going to graduate before me.
We never discussed Milo again.
Other than that, the weekend was filled with debauchery after our friends arrived.
It felt like the old Reid and Raven, especially when we performed a whole soliloquy of musical numbers after everyone else went to sleep.
No tune.
No musical talent.
All the wrong lyrics.
Nonetheless, we got drunk and sang our hearts out.
In a way so much has changed between us, but then again nothing has changed at all.
For the first time in so long I felt human again. When you are numb for so long, you are just existing in life. Any emotion starts to feel better than none at all.
Even if that emotion is slicing your heart open and watching it bleed to death.
And that’s how it felt.
When we departed at the airport, it felt that my heart sliced open as I watched her board that plane.
But I couldn’t chase after her, not after everything. I might only ever feel emotions and highs when I am around her, but I will never let myself go there.
Never again!
CHAPTER 6
Three Months Ago
December 28th, 2019
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Reid
After the Costa Rica trip, Raven and I kept in touch here and there. The texts were polite at the beginning, just periodically checking in.
Within the month, the texts had developed into daily messages and by the start of summer we were hopping on daily phone and video calls.
Mid-way through summer, Raven invited me to visit her in Paris. I agreed.
One might suggest that none of this is a good idea. But feeling emotions became the highlight of my life. And I only ever felt emotions around one person.
