Page 29 of Isolation
“Only because I hadhopethat you’d come back to me,” I ferociously argue.
“If you have hope, then why the hell did you pull the same shit?”
“I had hope,” I close my eyes to calm the anger pulsing in my veins. “Past tense. That was before I found out howhefelt about you. When I found out abouthim, all hope vanished.”
“That gives you the right to do what you did?” Raven fumes. Her angry face lifts up to meet mine. “Because of that, I should forgive you for your heinous actions?”
My own anger is quickly getting the best of me, and my words are all laced with malice.
“Forgiveness?” I ask her in mock surprise. “I am not begging for your forgiveness, Rave. We are past that now. You have already taken your revenge. You agreed to be in a relationship with my fucking brother even though you knew how I felt about you.”
We both stop talking after that.
Complete silence.
Raven looks taken back, shocked… and scared. The last time this topic came up, it did not end well. I still charge forward to eat up the distance between us.
“You could’ve taken your revenge the way society and law allows you to,” I growl. “You could have thrown me in jail or told our families. I would have accepted either of those and still been a happier man. But you did the one thing that cut me the deepest. So, congrats Rave. You got me back. Are we even now?”
Guilt flashes in Raven’s eyes for a change because she knows that I am right.
I waited four years, hoping Raven would come back to me. I was impatient, but I made myself understand that Raven needed time. I convinced myself because she dangledhopein my face in the form of a possibility between us.
But Raven burnt all of that down.She did the worst thing possible.I put my life on hold while she planned to move on withhim.
Do I believe it’s love between those two?
For Reid, yes.
For Raven, it’s codependency.
Their codependency is the bane of my existence, but it’s also a crutch for them.
Reid can twist her arm into a relationship because The risk of losing their friendship for good is a huge threat to Raven. And all of it is a huge threat to my sanity.
“Milo,” she says quietly, “nothing happened with Reid. I already told you that. He wanted more. All I did was tell him that I would consider it.”
“But, you did consider it?” My jaw shuts tight at her renewed admission.
“I did,” Raven admits.
“Can you see how your actions might not inspire trust?” I frothily ask.My anger is now in full swing.“You dangled a carrot in front of my face for years, only to tell me that you are now interested in my brother. I made a colossal mistake. I should have made you swear on Mia that if I stayed away, you’d giveusanother chance because that seems to be the only way to trust you. I have done many things Raven, but I don’t intentionally lie to you.”
It's true. Raven doesn’t lie if she swears on Mia. She once gave me her word, by swearing on Mia, to finish her school project within the night.
She accidentally fell asleep, and the next day Mia broke out with a fever of a hundred and four.
Raven lost her shit.
Raven is not religious, but she can be somewhat superstitious. Since that little incident, Raven is painfully paranoid about swearing anything on Mia. And if she does, it’s only because it’s the absolute truth.
Swearing on Mia was the threat she used to keep me at bay for all of these years.
Nonetheless, this conversation is not going well. I want to find a solution. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in an attempt to reel in my temper.
“Look, Rave, I am weak when it comes to you, and you know it. Yet, all you do is taunt and egg me on. I feel crazy fucking possessive over you. I realize that you don’t think I have any right to feel this way, yet that’s how I feel. It was bad before you left, now I can’t even tolerate it. Have you ever considered that I didn’t lie to you about my feelings, and in fact, these things are difficult for me to endure?”
Raven looks like she has no idea how to react to my declarations. I didn’t even tell her the worst of it; my recurrent fantasy to tattooMINEsomewhere on her body, preferably her forehead.
