Page 49 of Isolation
A different type of panic takes hold.
I gently push against his shoulders to create distance. Milo doesn’t budge or remove his hold. His green orbs penetrate into me. I know what he is thinking, and he knows that I know.
No matter how much of a friend he is to me, the monster within him will always rule him, and he will always prevail. Milo’s patience has run out, and my number of allocated peaceful days has expired.
“Rave, don’t push me away right now.” His voice sounds almost angry and cold. His breathing is ragged, and I can hear his heartbeat hammering away. I can feel him shaking for control.
I don’t counter. I don’t push him away either. But when Milo presses another kiss on my neck, I speak up.
“I can’t do this to him. It will kill him,” I respond automatically in a monotone voice.
I hold my breath when I realize what I just voiced.
I have made two monumental mistakes. I got immersed in our family drama and forgot my strategy to avoid him.
Milo told me that he can’t control himself around me. By his own admission interaction with him only puts my safety in jeopardy, no matter the situation.
The second mistake is bringing up Reid.
Milo’s fingers on my waist flex into my skin to the point of pain, but I don’t make a single sound.
“I just meant that he is my best friend,” I try to salvage the mistake.
“That’s not what you said before,” Milo says, deceptively softly.
“Nothing happened between Reid and I. But that doesn’t mean I want to hurt him like this. I’m here with you, trying to meet you halfway. Why can’t you just take the win?”
“Because it’s not enough.” He presses a kiss on my cheek. “Part of you isn’t enough.” Another kiss on my jaw. “Nothing is ever enough with you.” Kiss on my ear. “I need all of you.”
Milo’s lips move to my bottom lip. When he feels my whole body tense, he breaks the kiss to lean back and speculate.
“Baby,” he presses, running his hands up and down my sides. “He already caught us together. Pushingmeaway just so you can be loyal tohimwill not change his mind.”
Deep down, I am aware that Reid is out of my life. I knew he wouldn't forgive me after catching Milo and I together in that state. What happens with Milo now is inconsequential in terms of my friendship with Reid.
But that's not why I am holding back.
I like Milo, my friend.
I amterrified and petrifiedof the other Milo that resides within him.
I am not pushing him away because of Reid. I am pushing Milo away because ofMilo.
My eyes quickly flicker to the bedroom entranceway. If I can somehow get out of his hold, it will still take me about twenty seconds to make it there and exit the room. With Milo’s six-foot frame and long legs, it will take him half of that amount to catch me.
Rejecting Milo is not a viable option. He told me that his anger is fueled by rejection.
Alternately, I can yell for help and drag our families here. But I already know that I won’t do that. If I intended to tell them, I would have done it a long time ago. I can’t live with the repercussions of what it would do to them if they ever found out.
I try to think of other excuses. The period excuse doesn’t work on Milo. It doesn’t bother him. He didn’t even care about my injuries, so migraine is out as well. And I am out of options.
Milo kisses my cheek again and his lips land on my ear. He nibbles on my ear; his whole body vibrates as he holds on to me tightly. He is waiting for my “permission,” but even if I sayno, Milo is still going to go through with this.
I have two options since he is clearly not letting go of the hold he has on me.
I can choose this on my own “free” will. Whether it be by force or by my choice, Milo can always provide me with oblivion, which might not be terrible given the current drama.
Or I can refuse him and watch the man who has recently become a confidante turn into the monster I hate. Then I’ll have to drown in self-loathing afterward when I realize that he provided me with the same oblivion, but just against my will.
