Page 66 of Isolation
“Okay. Hypothetically, the thought of sharing you makes me want to murder the person, boy or girl. I don’t even like to think of someone else touching you.”
“We are not even talking about me,” Raven quips.
“If it has to do with questions about my sexual future, we are talking about you.”
Neither of us remark on the comment, but I tighten my grip on her hand on instinct.
Ever since that day when I stopped after she asked me to, the wheels have turned in Raven's head. A gradual and natural progression of our relationship has taken place.
Raven needed assurance that this is not just about the physical aspect. She needed proof that there can be more between us. I have been giving her that.
Something has been brewing between us for the last few weeks, and not just the shit I have been telling our families behind Raven's back.
Raven has been acting like a different person around me. Her feelings have changed. She is softer. More vulnerable. More open.
We eat every fucking meal together. She doesn't protest anymore when I hold her hand during that time. She doesn't protest when I pull her to my chest while we watch movies or shows. We act like we are together, both in front of our families and in private.
I think the word is "courting" or some other old ass outdated version of dating.
I have never done this shit before. If it was anyone other than Raven, I never would have done it either.
There are no labels and there is no physical aspect to it, but we are somehow together.
So, I need some answers of my own to find out the progression of our relationship, and where she is mentally. “Do I get to ask you a question as well?”
“I guess that’s fair,” she responds mildly. “But are you sure you want to ask about my sexual past. You mentioned your jealousy—”
I grind my teeth, even though I put on a smile for her. “No, Rave. I don’t want to know about your conquests in Paris. I’d have to kill the fuckers if you told me.” I wish I was kidding.
Raven ignores the statement completely. “What would you like to know?”
“Have you ever been in love?”
Raven stops in her tracks to stare at me. She blinks a few times as if trying to wake herself up. She resumes walking without pulling her hand away.
“Yes,” she answers curtly, without offering any more information or explanation.
I want to ask the dreaded follow-up question, but I choose not to. If the answer is anything different from the one I want, the repercussions will be too massive to recover for either of us. I just clench and unclench my jaw, hoping that it’s nothim.
Instead, I say, “What else would you like to know about my past sex life?”
“You never used to talk dirty, but I noticed that you did it the last few times...”
“I didn’t think back then was the right time to incorporate dirty talk into our sex life.”
“Why not?” Raven challenges.
“Because you were young and shy.”
“Did you talk dirty to Alexa?” The words spill out of her so fast that it even surprises her.
I stop short at the sudden mention. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you are jealous,” I gauge in a low voice. Raven has never expressed jealousy or possessiveness before.
“Jealous?” Raven sounds surprised.
“It’s okay if you are.” I truly mean it. I look over to find Raven frowning, unsure on how to react to her own feelings. “Why do you want to know about what happened between us?”
“Because I am curious about the extent of your relationship with her,” she speaks in her matter of fact tone. “And I’d like to have a better understanding of your past.”
