Page 49 of Lust
Michael sighed. “Was this dream about your sister?”
I frowned, irritated at being figured out so easily. “Why would you automatically assume this is about my….” I paused, suddenly not wanting to use the word sister in therapy. “Why would you assume this is about Sara?”
Michael didn’t miss the omission in my rewording and studied me carefully. “Because your moods are generally linked to her.”
I wanted to wring his neck out. “Not this time. I’m just stressed about the upcoming election and need to stay sharp for the campaign.” Not entirely untrue. My looks gave me a competitive edge, but appearances alone didn’t entice voters into casting their ballot.
“We’ll get to the campaign.” Michael eyed me sideways. “But first, let’s circle back to this dream of yours. Judging by your appearance, I’d say this dream has been bothering you for a few nights.”
Four sleepless nights, to be precise. I had managed to keep my word and give her space, returning to my own home for the intermittent. However, my efforts to check in with her had been futile due to Sara’s refusal to answer my calls or text. Steve had men with eyes on her round the clock and even dropped by once under the guise of checking on my parents. Apparently, she had kept to herself for three straight days and finally left the house today to resume her role at the shelter.
“So, tell me. What happened with Sara in this dream of yours?”
Michael was a dog with a bone, but it was best to discuss it rather than give in to one more of my rash episodes. Perhaps, he could help me get these impulses under control.
I sighed. “I dreamt that I hurt Sara.” I glanced at him, refusing to elaborate on howI hurt her.“And I don’t want to hurt Sara,” I said remorsefully.
His expression remained neutral. “Have you considered making it up to her?” Then he added with a smile, “In your dream, that is.”
“How?”
“From what you tell me, Sara is a creature of sacrifice. She’s devoted her life to helping others. If you want to fix things with her, show her that you can also sacrifice what you desire for those in dire circumstances. After all, love itself is the ultimate sacrifice. Even the wordsfalling in lovecarry the connotation that one mustfall, potentially hurting and sacrificing themselves in the process, to love another.”
My heart palpitation spiked, eyes flickering at the wordlove.
“While you consider my words, I want to tell you another story about Asmodeus’ Sarah. Is that alright?”
I said nothing, which he took for acquiescence, and dove in.
* * *
Sarah’s fragile heart was tired of the pain she caused. She recalled every insult hurled her way, the accusations, the condemning eyes, and those who called for her death in order to spare the lives of others.
They were right.
To shield those around her from suffering more misfortunes, she had to end her own life. Leaving behind her loved ones was a thought more agonizing than death itself, but what choice did Sarah have? This was the only way out, so no longer would others suffer the wrath of the curse she brought.
Filled with desolation, Sarah stared contritely at the view from the roof, where she was likely to meet her end.
No longer did she fear her mortality. Only the horrid looks of her doting parents upon finding her motionless body kept her from jumping. Fervent tears streaked down her face. Taking one’s life was a mortal sin, one her parents would have to bear the shame of carrying forever.
The thought kept her rooted at the ledge of the roof.
Instead, she asked for God’s help in taking away her life. “Please, God, take my life in exchange for others. Grant me the gift of death.”
But death never came.
* * *
“Sarah offered to sacrifice herself in order to save those around her.”
Never had I been so annoyed by one of Michael’s stories. Exactly what in the fuck was he suggesting? ThatmySara would try to bargain away her life?
Not a chance.
Michael caught the drift in my narrowed eyes and swiftly explained. “Asmodeus’ toxic love caused Sarah to seek out her own death. Whereas Sarah’s sacrificial love was to protect those around her.”
Tap. Tap. Tap.He tapped his pen against his thigh, and for the first time in years, showed signs of nervousness. For some reason, it was imperative to him that I saw the light now more than ever. As if we were on the verge of a massive breakthrough.
