Page 132 of Unapologetic Obsession
Instead of pulling her off the floor, I pulled up a chair and started the stopwatch on my phone. I had to take her to the hospital right as she was at the cusp of death. It had to appear like I tried to help her while ensuring there was nothing doctorscould do to save her at that point. The brain damage and the lack of oxygen needed to set in.
She had stared at me with hatred as I let her die, knowing she had been right about me all along. I had merely shrugged. Despite what she thought, I wasn’t letting her die out of hatred. Farmers put down sick animals to put them out of their misery. Humans were no different. My mother was sick and showed no signs of improvement. She would never get better and die regardless of my actions today. At least if she died now, Damon would have a shot at a bright career. If she died later, she might fuck up his future beyond repair.
What I hadn’t accounted for was Damon’s reaction. Sure, I expected some tears over his dearly departed mother. But I assumed he would be ultimately relieved. She was an obstacle in his path to achieve greatness. It was impractical to want such a nuisance.
Watching Damon now, you would think he was anything but relieved. He was getting more agitated with each passing second.
“I swear to God, Dad. If you accuse Caden one more time, you don’t have to bother sending him away. We’ll leave voluntarily.”
“I’m not trying to sendyouaway. Just try to understand, Damon. I can’t live with someone who killed my wife.”
Damon stood to his height, nose flaring with fury. “If Caden had hurt my mother, I’d personally bury him six feet under. I know for a fact he isn’t capable of it, and the fact that you can’t see it is your problem, not ours. I love you, Dad, but sincerely, fuck off.”
I stared at Damon, gobsmacked. Had I broken him beyond repair?
While our father shouted, I left the room and made my way to the rooftop for a cigarette. For the first time, I doubted myactions. I had done Damon a huge favor, yet he was utterly devastated. It was concerning. I had never seen him this way. Perhaps their bond ran deeper than I had expected.
Damon had spent his life giving up things for my sake. When we were twelve, he wanted nothing more than a stupid gaming console. My mother said I wasn’t allowed to play it, and he was willing to give it up as a show of solidarity.
Now, I had taken away the most important person in his life. We were both in agreement that Joe Maxwell was an idiot, and while Damon dealt with our father diplomatically, his rock had ironically been our drug addict mother. Without her, he had no support system because I couldn’t provide that for him.
He needed to stay in New York, surrounded by his friends and the cousins we were close to. Instead, he was willing to move to Switzerland with me and doom himself to a life without emotional support. Damon was giving away what he wanted for someone who took away what he loved the most.
As much as I hated to admit it, there were two people in Damon’s life who had been dragging him down. The first person was out of the picture while I was still standing.
I wasn’t sure exactly when I landed on the whole suicide thing. It must be somewhere between the first and second hour of deep contemplation. But once the idea came to me, it seemed like a damn good one.
The first reason was obvious. Damon would thrive without me dragging him down.
The second reason was even simpler. I was really fucking bored.
Part of living in a thriving society required honing your interpersonal relationships, and it was a skill I would never perfect, nor would I bother working on it. Everyone fucking bored me to tears, and everyone I met was below me. Why should I try?
It seemed other human beings found each other interesting. I had no idea why, because I didn’t. Clearly, I was a defect, not fit for society.
As I said, farmers put down faulty animals that served no purpose. It wasn’t enough to own a brilliant mind. Society demanded more, and I had no interest in lowering myself to meet those demands.
It seemed killing myself was the most logical solution.
I wasn’t depressed or anything. I considered other avenues before coming to this conclusion.
For example, I could emancipate myself. But I had a feeling that would be too big a scandal for a family like ours, and Joe would do everything in his power to stop it from happening. He would convince a judge that I belonged in an institution. All it would take was for one person to look at my arrival time at home and the time I brought my mother to the hospital. Despite his accusation, Joe wasn’t smart enough to think of it. However, if he accused me in front of a judge during an emancipation case, the time stamps would be thoroughly investigated.
Joe wouldn’t budge on his decision to send me away, either. He had been itching for a reason for years. Damon was stubborn and would insist on sticking together. Even if I ran away or I were emancipated, he would follow me to the end of the world.
How come he felt the twin bond so strongly when all I felt was the mild responsibility to strengthen his future?
As I said—malfunctioning.
I dropped my cigarette to the ground, crushing it with my feet. I sighed, staring at the water underneath. God, this was going to be an annoying way to die.
A sound from the opposite side of the roof tore my gaze from the water. A scrawny kid—maybe a preteen—was hanging off the railing.
Great.
Someone else had the idea to jump before me. That was what I got for contemplating my suicide plans for too long. If I jumped now, it would be unoriginal. I hated nothing more than looking like a follower.
I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t even die in peace.
