Page 155 of House of Crimson Hearts
I take a shuddering breath. “I took your memories, compelled you to forget me.”
“Why would you do that?” she steps forward, holds her hand to my cheek.
“So many reasons. You chose work, Amelia. You hated yourself for loving me because of who I was. What I was.”
“My addiction?” she whispers.
“It was always me. Everything is my fault. I was attacked, a mob of villagers. You jumped in to protect me and they stabbed you in the gut. I gave you my blood to heal you. But you ended up addicted. It was my blood. The first time. Every time. Gods. I compelled all the dealers in the city. It was always me. And you couldn’t stand it. You had to choose between being the head of security or me, and it was all too much…”
She pulls her hand away and that cold impression hurts more than watching the tears fall down her face.
“So I played your villain, I let you hate me rather than hate yourself.”
She’s shaking. I reach out to pull her into my arms when she slaps my hand away and I realise the mistake.
“Fuck you, Octavia. Fuck you for taking my memories. For fucking compelling me. How dare you.”
“Don’t you get it? I did it to save you. To protect you and let you live happy.”
“And what? Now we’re bonded and you’ve activated my dhampir genes? Was that your plan all along? You used me so you could win this fucking game. Find the dhampir, take the city? Did I mean nothing to you?”
“You think I’m happy it’s you? The whole fucking city is going to hunt you down, Red. Everyone is going to want a piece of you… I can’t let the city tear you apart like it’s torn me apart.”
“There’s nothing you can do to stop them.”
“There is…”
Her eyes widen. “No.” She steps back, one pace, two.
But it’s too late, there is no other option.
I rush forward, grab her by the shoulders before she falls into the water, “I hoped and prayed this evening wasn’t goodbye. Tell me you didn’t feel it?”
Her eyes well.
“I’m sorry, Red. But you are mine. And I can’t put you in harm’s way. I would give you up a thousand times before I let anyone hurt you.”
“You don’t have to do this… We’re bonded now…”
“It’s because we’re bonded that your genes activated. I understand the prophecy on the door now: ‘A dhampir born, a dhampir turned. In shadows they walk, with pulse of sun and moon. The first of their kind, with fangs that hunger and a heart that beats.’It’s you, it was always you.”
She lowers her eyes because she knows it’s true.
“If I erase me, the bond, who you really are from your memories, then you’re safe. No one can use you. That way, I’m the only one who knows anything. And I would slaughter every vampire and burn the city to the ground before I let anything happen to you.” I kiss her forehead.
“Octavia. Please. Don’t do this.”
Red’s face is streaked with tears. I wipe a thumb over her cheek, smearing them away and then I kiss her one last time.
I kiss her like it’s forever.
Like I’ll never stop.
Like she’ll never forget me.
I kiss her with my whole heart, with every cell in my body. Our tongues move against each other, our hands gripping and clawing at each other’s clothes, but I know this has to end. This has to stop, and I have to lose her all over again.
I pull back, lean my forehead against hers.
