Page 26 of House of Crimson Kisses
“You’re wrong,” she says.
“Am I?”
“All I’ve ever done is try to protect you. Try to do what’s best for you.” She runs a hand through her hair.
“What you’ve done is martyr yourself, Octavia, because you’d rather sacrifice yourself and put yourself in pain than admit someone loves you. Someone thinks you’re enough.”
Her expression goes blank.
“See? You can’t even face the fact that no matter how fucked off I am with you, I am still here. Still choosing you and you are refusing to do the right thing. Why can’t you do the thing that will save us and give me my memories back?”
“I…” she starts. But I already know she’s not going to do what I want. My chest tightens, and I tear my gaze away from her.
“How do you expect me to be with someone who won’t tell me the truth?” I say as the carriage slows; we must be pulling into the station.
“I can’t. You don’t understand,” she whines.
I hitch off the seat and lean forward, taking her hands in mine as I kneel at her feet.
“Then make me. Explain it so I do understand, because the way I see it, you’re the one breaking us apart.”
She pulls her fingers out of mine and stares out of the carriage window. “We’re here.”
“Mother of Blood, Octavia,” I whisper, and I step out of the carriage. Octavia is behind me in a blink.
I press my lips into a thin line. My nostrils flare. “I’m not going to run. Not again.”
“You promise?”
I nod. “I understand we can’t be too far from each other. But… I don’t want to be near you right now. You’re going to have to accept that I need space. Or we break the b?—”
Octavia holds her hand up to interrupt me.
“Impossible. One doesn’t break a bond, and the answer would be no, even if I could break it.”
“Then you need to give me space.”
She stands a little straighter, her brow furrows, her lips thin. Something I can’t read washes through her eyes, and then her face morphs and becomes devoid of emotion.
“As you wish,” she gives me a curt nod and walks off towards the castle door.
I slump against the carriage and wipe my face. My mind is racing with a maelstrom of thoughts. Octavia tickles Rumblegrit under the chin before depositing what seems like more than a required offering of blood and slides the mansion door shut behind her. Even that confuses me. She never used to treat the gargoyles with kindness; she’s changing for the better. And while I breathe easier now she’s away from me, the space hasn’t made me feel any better. Our connection is soul deep, and it’s not just the swirling confusion but the tug of hurt in the bond that consumes me.
I am pissed, disappointed and a million other things, yet I still want to be near her, with her. It’s twisting me up inside.
Is this love? Is this healthy?
I don’t think I can be with someone who lies to me like this. Someone who betrays me. She holds all the power because she took it from me. How can I be with someone like that when she stands for everything I hate?
I don’t want to be trapped inside another building after spending the last few hours in the carriage, so I meander around the castle grounds. My feet carry me past the stables. That’s when I notice Sadie. I stiffen. She makes me uneasy.
I think it’s the calmness that pervades her entire being despite the horror stories of her past. Screaming herself mute night after night until she lost her voice. They say the scar that Cordelia has on her cheek was from a bite Sadie gave her.
One horse whinnies as Sadie passes the stable. She turns to face the animal, staring it right in the eye. The horse clops back, raising its head and dropping it in a rhythmic motion. It neighs and then goes quiet.
All the while, Sadie hasn’t moved. She’s staring the horse down like a lion to its prey. She’s vampire still, her eyes locked onto the horse.
A line of goosebumps shivers over my arms as I watch her interact with the animal. Exactly what kind of game is she playing? Gods, there’s something mildly unhinged about her.
