Page 43 of House of Crimson Kisses
My time is coming, and when it does, you’ll be too busy warring with each other to see what’s been here all along. And that is when I’ll end things for real.
Chapter14
RED
Octavia rushes out of the office in a blur, Xavier speeding off after her. I’ve taken a step forward without even realising it.
Amelia appears suddenly, standing in front of me.
It takes me a second to realise her arm is against my chest. Slowly, I lower my eyes to her arm. It’s an iron bar, wedged firm against my ribs. That, too, takes a second to process. I used to be the strong one, the responsible one. The one who did the looking after. What is this strange reversal?
I slide my eyes up to meet Amelia’s. There’s a flicker of hesitation where, I suspect, she remembers she’s the younger. But it doesn’t stop her. She remains a steel wall blocking my way.
“You’re not going after her,” she says.
There comes a strange moment in life with one’s siblings. The same moment when you mentally separate from your parents and discover they are fallible mortals like you.
This is that moment with Amelia. I’ve spent years looking after her, caring for her and dutifully playing the role of mother to her. I made sacrifices to ensure she was cared for and had everything she needed. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
And even though this isn’t a betrayal, it’s a line in the sand that she’s crossed. Amelia has proven that she’ll go against my will. What I don’t understand is when we grew apart.
The hierarchy in our family is shifting.
In this moment, she is stronger than me. I am weak; I am lost. I am shaking from the shock of her movement.
“I—” she starts, sensing that something between us has snapped. But she doesn’t move her arm.
My body tightens, wanting to cry or slap her. Make her understand that she can’t do this to me. She can’t just grow up and leave me.
Fuck.
I back away from her arm. I slump down in the chair.
“I’m sorry,” she says, but she can’t bring herself to look at me.
“It wasn’t because Oct?—”
“Just stop,” I say. “It’s fine.”
It’s really not fine. But how can I tell her I feel more like her mother in this moment than her sister?
I decide that instead of holding back, if she really has grown up, I owe her this truth.
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. “I’ve looked after you for so long I forgot you were my sister and not my daughter, I guess. And yes, there’s only a few years between us. But I…”
“You gave up your youth to let me keep mine,” she says and slides to her knees, nestling her head between my arms and onto my knees. “You won’t admit it, but it’s because you blame yourself for what happened to Mum. It wasn’t your fault. You were young, too.”
Suddenly she’s the little sister she always was. I stroke her hair, brushing the locks fallen loose from her blonde bun behind her ears.
“I didn’t mean to treat you like a child. I realise we’re both adults. But I put myself in that position because you had no one else, and I thought it was my responsibility to give you some semblance of a mother and then all this shit…”
“I love you, Red,” she says. “Thank you… for everything you did for me.”
I lean down and kiss the top of her head. “I’d give it all up again, over and over, if it meant you got to have a childhood.”
“That’s the thing. You don’t need to keep giving things up anymore. I’m grown now. We both are. Neither of us are tweens living in Oriana’s back room. We’re fine. We’re coping. We’re okay.”
She lifts her head off my knees and pulls my hands into hers.
