Page 10 of A Perfect Holiday
“That’s true, River,” Aubree said, “But she has a right to voice her fears and opinions as well. Boone is refusing to hear her, which is squarely on his shoulders. You probably just need to give him time to get over this news.”
I couldn’t answer. Tears tracked down my cheeks. I just wished this would all go away. “I don’t want to be barren,” I whispered. “I’m not infertile.”
“No, of course not,” River said, mimicking Boone and sitting on the coffee table, taking my hands into hers, and it hurt like hell to remember how he had been so sweet. “But, Verity, you could consider that there are options.”
“What options? Not bearing my own children? That’s such a failure.”
Aubree slipped her arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “As a doctor in training, let me just say, it’s not a failure. It’s just beyond your control, honey. It’s no one’s fault. It is not easy to take when our bodies don’t do the things we want them to. But that’s no one’s fault. However, there is something else to consider here,” she said. “And I think it needs to be addressed. Your marriage, your very connection to each other has taken a blow. Boone may be masking how he feels about that part by getting angry. Sounds about right for a man’s reaction to a threatthat hits him hard in the feel zone. I know how Booker reacts, and we all saw how Braxton kept River Pearl at a distance.”
The pain was nearly crippling me; it had never occurred to me that Boone might question our foundation of love and commitment. But there was so much to deal with, the emotions so overwhelming, I should have realized it. The night I told him, he’d comforted me, but it had felt…as if a very important component was missing, now I had some distance and hindsight.
“Oh, God, I hadn’t considered that. But you’re right. He’s hurting way worse than I thought. No wonder he won’t listen.”
After more sympathy, and after making me pinky swear to keep in touch with them, they left.
It was about trusting Boone with all of it. Even the truly awful stuff. It was about partnering, listening, and being open to hearing what the other had to say. Instead of letting Boone find a way to tell me about his fear, I was reacting to the thought of him refusing to have children…which was such a predictable reaction for him. I would suggest that I go to the doctor, get a full workup, show him there was no cause for alarm.
But even as I called to make an appointment, sure that I’d get a clean bill of health and I could go off the pill, and we could start working on baby number two, I was hoping he would get past this and come back to me.
Please come home, Boone.
I texted it to him, but there was no response.
I guess it was too hard to let go of the fantasy of conceiving a child together and going through all the everyday, natural progression of pregnancy and birth. He’d missed Duel’s birth, and I wanted to experience the next one with him, together, committed. The first time around had been under such stressful circumstances. I didn’t want this to be the same.
But I wanted even more to get back that easy connection to my husband. Boone had such a big heart, and he was so strong. I couldn’t bear the thought that he was having doubts about me and my love and trust in him.
Worse than that, had I somehow damaged our relationship?
Beyond repair?
Chapter Three
BOONE
I ended up crashing at Booker’s, and it wasn’t long before I got the calls.
“What the fuck is going on?” Braxton demanded when I answered the phone, even as my line beeped and I saw it was Booker calling. I conferenced him in.
“What the fuck is going on,” Booker said.
“Wow, I got this in stereo. Two for the price of one.”
“I got some major dark vibes. The worst I’ve ever felt. I’ve had them since Thanksgiving.”
“Ditto,” Braxton said.
I filled them in on what was happening, and about our major fight, even though I wasn’t in the mood for advice right now. I paced.
“Wow, that’s tough, Boone,” Booker said. “Are you sure about this. Did she—”
“What do I know about a woman’s reproductive system, Book?” I growled. “I have to go by what she says.”
“Did you talk to her or get angry and leave?” Braxton said.
“Look, I can’t handle this right now. I gotta go.”
“Boone! Don’t hang up.”
