Page 5 of A Perfect Holiday
“I can’t believe you held this back. After all we’ve been through.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose, Boone. There was so much bitterness churning when I came back here. My only goal was to tell my parents I was leaving and go. I had no intention of staying. I was so angry with you. Then, there was telling you that we had sex and I’d gotten pregnant, giving Duel up for adoption, and then getting stabbed by Billy Joe. It was all so emotional, then we…” she trailed off with a little hitch in her breathing… “fell in love and got married and the miracle happened and we got Duel back.”
I sat back on my heels, my gut clenching so hard, I thought I might be sick. “What did you mean there’s a problem?”
“I had a small uterine rupture during the birth of Duel. I had a lot of bleeding, and it was touch and go there for a bit. Then they realized what had happened. I’d had it repaired, oldtrauma when I was a kid—a bus accident. The doctor told me pregnancy might be risky, that scar tissue just wasn’t as flexible. I could have another full rupture, and it would be dangerous. I should probably not have any more children. But that was her opinion. I’m not the same person I was before. I want to try to get pregnant. I’m not barren. I can’t see myself as barren.”
A knot of desolation bloomed in my chest and expanded with every word.No more children. It was almost gibberish to me. I was a triplet, had two brothers, and I couldn’t imagine Duel might never experience the kind of closeness I’d had. It felt surreal, as if I might be dreaming.
The other thing that utterly terrified me was that I could lose her, and I’d already came so close. Panic escalated the impact of all the other stuff that was cresting like a gigantic wave, ready to swamp me.
“It’s too risky. I don’t agree. I’m not getting you pregnant.” I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t.
“Boone, don’t be so negative. We can talk about this.”
I shook my head, my fear like a live thing.
There was a soft, muffled sound, and my heart jammed up in my chest, and then started to pound in a different rhythm. I leaned forward and brushed back her hair.
“Ah, don’t, Verity,” I whispered. “Please.”
But she was losing it, and I came up off the floor onto the bed beside her. I caught her by her upper arms, pulling her against me. “Come here, baby,” I murmured gruffly. “Come on, darlin’.”
She resisted for a moment, then relented, her arms sliding around me. “I’m so sorry, Boone,” she sobbed against my neck. “So sorry.”
“I know you are,” I whispered.
I was sure it was shock. I was getting numb. I couldn’t think about my reaction, not with the tears streaming down Verity’s face, not with all the love I felt for her trying to ward off mydisappointment in her, her inability to face and deal with these kinds of awful things.
Trying to stay detached from the roiling emotion, I held her tightly, folded back against the pillows, and worked us underneath the covers. Turning off the light, I rested my chin on the top of her head, rubbed her back, waiting for the tension to ease. No matter what, I couldn’t vent my anger or disappointment.
I wasn’t going to try to figure it out now, but something had happened here tonight that left me feeling pretty shaky. As if something that had been supporting me was no longer there, as if my whole life was dropping down on top of me.
Chapter Two
VERITY
I woke up abruptly, my eyes gritty and my heart so heavy my chest hurt. Something had disturbed me; something just wasn’t right. I knew instinctively, even before I turned over, that Boone was gone.
I went cold, dread snaking through me. For the first time since Boone and I had pledged our love and started sleeping in the same bed, his warm body wasn’t cuddled up to mine. He’d left. Without a kiss. Without saying goodbye.
It was early, not even seven, and I walked out of my room and looked into the living room, then peered into the garage. Sure enough. His truck was gone.
I knew he was taking the next three days off and had not booked any clients, especially the day after Thanksgiving. I had also decided that the new autumn and winter collections Minnie and I were working on for the upcoming February and March Fashion weeks could wait until Monday.
Surprised that Duel wasn’t up, I went to his room and discovered Boone had taken our son with him.
I shrugged it off. So he was gone. He probably didn’t want to wake me. Boone was always considerate of me and my needs. I wasn’t going to let what a doctor said to me so long ago derail my life. Boone and I would have more children. I wasn’t barren. I could conceive and carry a child. I was sure of it. My body wouldn’t betray me. I gave birth once. I would do it again.
Boone had only discovered this shock yesterday. It was a surprise, and since he was a man, he needed time to digest it. Think about it. But it wasn’t like him to leave and not tell me where he was going.
I had withheld this information, and his response was to declare he wouldn’t get me pregnant. Well, that was a knee-jerk reaction, and he didn’t mean it. He was just being overprotective.
This knowledge had lurked just at the brink of my consciousness, always on the edge of my sight, a time bomb from my past. I swallowed, remembering my time in New York, the uncertainty, the guilt from lying, the anger at Boone. It was a pregnancy filled with turbulent emotions. A pregnancy I hadn’t enjoyed at all. It wasn’t until Duel was born that I discovered how real he was. That I was a mother, and that I had given him up and robbed Boone of his role as a father.
If I turned out to be barren, I would rob him again. But I just knew it wouldn’t happen that way. I would have more children with him. There was no guarantee that my uterus would rupture. No evidence that I couldn’t have a full-term baby. I wanted very much to experience it again, this time with Boone, our love infused into a new life.
But for all my self-reassurances, a sick feeling of apprehension stirred, and guilt came with it. I shouldn’t have put it off; I should have told him about my doctor’s worries, about the possibility before the wedding. Closing my eyes, I tried to will away the awful sensation.
