Page 13 of A Perfect Holiday
Rubbing the back of my finger back and forth across her cheek, hoping to make this less awkward for both of us. “I should have taken more care,” I said quietly. “That was pretty damned irresponsible of me.”
Her expression softened, and she almost smiled, her touch feather-light as she traced the outline of my ear. “You’ve never been intentionally careless with me, Boone,” she chastised softly. She looked back at me, her affection clear.
I leaned down and kissed her, then lifted my head, smiling into her eyes.
“Talk to me, honey.”
She stared at me, her eyes suddenly clouding; then she swallowed hard and shifted her gaze. She swallowed again, then spoke, her voice breaking. “I know you’re scared, Boone. I handled everything wrong. I should have—”
“Iwasscared. The thought of losing you brought back everything that had happened when Billy Joe stabbed you and you almost died, like it was happening all over again.”
She took an unsteady breath, then looked away, her face drawn. “It was scary, and it is hard to think that we have this hurdle to overcome. If we’re not united and strong, I don’t think we’re going to make it,” she whispered. “I need to know that you will be open to everything. We’ll make decisions together, and please don’t dismiss my emotions and my fears.”
She frowned and looked away as if her emotions were too raw for me to see. Finally she looked up at me again, her face drawn and anxious. “I don’t want to lose what we have, Boone.”
I brushed at the hair on her face, her delicate features illuminated in the moonlight. “I shouldn’t have said you were emotional. How the hell are you supposed to be? You have every right to voice everything you feel. And you’re right, we have to be strong together, and for each other,” I said.
I rose and snapped on the bedside lamp and reached for my pants. I pulled out the ring and gave it to her. “I got this for you.”
Solemnly, she took it and turned it over in her hands; the intricate carvings etched in it reflected in the light.
She read the card, and her eyes came back to mine. I stared at her for a moment, then looked away and began fingering the wild tumble of her hair, a cold jolt making my gut knot. There had been some bitter realities that we had simply pretended didn’t exist back in the past. I was still struggling about her holding back on me.
Brushing back some stray wisps of hair at her temple, I finally met her eyes again, my own somber. “You mean everything to me. I think that might have gotten lost in my fear and anger. Our marriage is my first and foremost priority, and I’m sorry I left you hanging and refused to listen to what you had to say. I know I’m not perfect, far from it. But, I believe that we can get through this…together.”
She slipped the ring onto her finger. “Oh, Boone. You are the sweetest, most considerate man I have ever met, and I am thankful for you. I’m not perfect either, and I have a very difficult time dealing with the idea that we can’t have any more children together.”
I knew by the way she couldn’t meet my eyes that she didn’t want me to see how much my disappearance had affected her, and I experienced a sharp pang of regret. She deserved someexplanation, but I didn’t want to get into the real reasons I’d taken off. We had enough to handle with this baby thing, and I was still raw and not ready to talk about it.
She looked up at me. “You deserved a scolding. That was a crappy thing to do. I need to know I can depend on you, even when it gets rough.”
“I needed time to think,” I said, my voice gruff. “I’m not proud of the way I acted. You can count on me always. I won’t do that again. I promise.” I still wasn’t proud that I was holding back on her, but I couldn’t seem to form the right words.
She smiled then. “All right. But I wouldn’t have a problem with you wearing those leathers again, just as an FYI.”
I smiled slow and easy. “Oh, yeah. You liked that? I figured leather couldn’t hurt. I’ll have to remember that it’s more effective than flowers.”
She gave me an uneven laugh and hugged me hard, pressing her face against my neck. “You are a bad boy, Outlaw. Just for the record. I do love flowers, too. You should work that into your groveling schedule.”
“Well, I have that train to rob tomorrow, but I’ll work it out.” She laughed, but it faded from her face when my voice got all husky, and I said, “How about I hold you for a million years? Does that fit into your schedule?”
Her chest rose and fell, and her breath caught. She hiked herself up and wrapped her arms around my neck aligning her body with mine. “I love you Boone, so damn much.”
“I love you, sugar, so damn much more.” My jaw tensed. I felt as if I was standing at the edge of a bottomless, dark precipice, with very little room to move. A shudder coursed through her.
My lungs tight, I tightened my grip, “If we’re going to get serious about this. About discussing what we can do and what reality is, then you need to see a doctor. I’ll be okay witheverything if we know that medically you’re capable of carrying a child to term without any complications.”
Her soft breath feathered against my skin. “I already did,” she whispered, sounding all kinds of scared again. “I went and saw Dr. Rust yesterday, and he referred me to a specialist in Lafayette, Dr. Elaine Hardy. Aubree highly recommended her. I have an appointment tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
She held onto me with a desperate strength. “I would love it…but only if you want to.”
Gritting my teeth against the powerful surge of sensation, my face contorting with raw emotion, I held her tighter, fusing her against me. I hung onto her, grateful—God, so grateful—for her. “Of course I want to. I want to be there for you when you need me. It’s all that matters. We’re in this together. We always will be.”
She let out a soft sob, “Together,” she said softly, releasing me long enough to reach over and turn off the light, then she was back in my arms where she belonged.
“Verity,” I said, my voice thick and just above a whisper. “If it turns out that we…can’t have children the natural way…I’ll get a vasectomy, just to be sure there are no mistakes. I couldn’t bear it if we conceived and then had to…you know…do something drastic.”
