Page 7 of A Perfect Holiday
“Sharon must have. He’s now Henry’s guardian. How is Henry doing today?”
“He’s really sad, but kids are resilient, so I expect he’ll bounce back quickly.” He moved out of the way so I could get closer to the tub. I rose.
He looked down, his lashes thick and dark over his aching blue eyes. I reached out, but he sidestepped my touch and leaned against the doorframe. My heart constricted and gave a painful thump. Boone had never avoided my touch before. Not even one time. Wow, that really hurt, stung like a bitch.
“She asked for me at the end. Woke up and said she had to talk to me, but she died before I got there. That was tough.I suspect she wanted me to look out for Henry. I would have promised to do that.”
“Oh, Boone. With everything going on yesterday, you didn’t mention it.”
His mouth tightened. “Yeah, must have slipped my mind.” He looked away. “I’ll get the tree.”
He just needed time, I soothed myself while my dread expanded in spite of it, and I forced my expression to remain neutral. “The stand is already set up,” I murmured as he left.
Thanks to Duel’s antics and Boone’s quiet compliance, we got the tree trimmed, the decorations placed, and the lights up on the outside of the house.
By evening, I was exhausted, and grateful Duel didn’t need a bath. I got him ready for bed while he chattered about Santa Claus coming and his reindeer. I read him a book, and he was asleep before I got to the last page.
I left his room and went looking for Boone. He was finishing up in the kitchen and had just started the dishwasher.
“You want to watch a movie?”
“No, I think I’m going to lift.”
He left and went into his weight room. I watched a couple of shows, hoping Boone would come out and join me, but after he finished lifting, he disappeared into our room. When I got up and peeked my head into our bedroom, he was taking a shower. The door was closed.
I craved closeness with him like it was oxygen, but when I tried the door, it was locked. My heart dropped down to my toes.
I went back out to the living room, my throat aching, and brushing away tears that slipped down my cheeks. I pretended to watch the rest of my show, determined to give him some space. It was difficult, but I wanted him to work through it before we talked again. After the show was over, I checked all the locks and turned off the lights.
He was on the bed, landscape design boards spread out. When I came in and started to get ready, he cleared them away. By the time I’d brushed my teeth and came back out, he was facing away from me, his usually smooth, naked back covered with a T-shirt, and the room was dark. Boone normally slept in the buff, but when I slipped in beside him, he didn’t roll toward me or stir. He was also wearing a pair of shorts.
We dropped Duel off at my parents’ the next day and did some Christmas shopping, and that night went out to dinner with Minnie and Deke, since they had to go back to New York the next day. When we were leaving, Minnie asked if everything was all right. I told her we were just tired, it had been a busy few days. She bought it.
Subdued and quiet, Boone only responded when I asked him a direct question. That was pretty much the way the weekend went. By Sunday night, I was miserable, not sure how to bridge this gap, not ready to start a discussion myself, and terrified that he would think I was a failure. Scared that our marriage was fragmenting, I was raw.
This separation from Boone was like a knife in my heart. He was such a rock when we were trying to wade through all our crap a year and a half ago. He’d bolstered me, never gave up on me. We traveled a rocky road together, and I was heartsick that he was now shutting me out because he had somehow lost his faith in me.
A memory intruded on my thoughts while I lay silent next to him, so close but so far away. It was when I went to his room in the hospital after he’d been cut and I’d been stabbed by Billy Joe. I needed to talk to him about Duel and why I had given him up. I remembered how sweet and comforting he’d been. How he had supported me, the heart of him so clear and steadfast. That one wrenching image reverberated, haunting me, and I had a hard time getting to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, Boone was already gone again. He must have gotten up early. I would have to find the courage to talk to him when he got home, because I couldn’t go on like this. Alone in the bleak emptiness our bed had become, I felt the tears well and trail down the sides of my face, into my hair. I couldn’t bear the thought of our rock-solid relationship, our wonderful marriage, being fractured so quickly and relentlessly.
We had to talk. Get this out in the open and hash it out. This rigid, separate silence was killing us both.
When my momma picked up Duel, I asked her if she could keep him overnight, using the excuse of having a ton of work to do. She agreed. I worked all day on our collection, but got very little accomplished.
Finally Boone came home.
I came out of my small office. Boone looked sweaty and tired. My heart rate accelerated to double time. I just went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, afraid he would reject me, but determined to begin making amends.
I breathed a sigh of relief when his arms finally came around me. “Boone, I’m sorry. Please, can we talk about this? I can’t bear this separation from you.”
He drew me over to the couch and had me sit. He settled on the coffee table across from me, lines of tension carved around his sensual mouth, his expression intent and introspective. The ache in my throat tightened even more. I waited a moment for it to ease.
My voice was still thick with emotion. “I love you, Boone,” I said unevenly. “That will never change. I want to have a family with you. More children. I think we should—”
“I’m not sure that talking about this is going to help. I think you need to understand that I will not put you or any unborn child of mine in any kind of danger.” His voice was quiet andvery strained. “I couldn’t stand the stress of that, or if something happened to you…”
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I delivered Duel just fine.”
