Page 34 of Pretty Lethal
My mouth drops open, and I gape at him. “How did you know—”
He chuckles, shaking his head as he rests back in his chair and reaches for his glass. “Because I know you, too. There’s no way you would just sit back and let it be. So, what have you found?”
I blow out a breath, frustrated all over again. “That’s the thing. I haven’t found anything. I’ve searched through the entire campus library, and there’s nothing there. Did Wilder tell you he handed Robbie the photographic evidence he was after?”
I glance up as Hawk nods. “Yeah, he told me. And there’s some sort of meeting this Friday.”
“I don’t like any of this,” I confess.
Reaching over, Hawk wraps his large hand around mine. “Me neither.” Taking a sip of his drink, he purses his lips as he thinks. “There’s the library in Kappa Epsilon. I could have a look, see if there’s anything in there.”
Hope sparks inside me, a small yet fierce flame. “I want to see, too.”
“You can’t,” he says, throwing me an apologetic look. “It’s for frat members only. They’re really strict about it and even lock it up tight on nights when there’s a party.”
My shoulders deflate, but hope is not lost yet. If anything, the fact they are so secretive about it would have me believe there must be something worth finding in there. I’ll just have to rely on Hawk to find it.
…Or sneak in and sweet talk him into unlocking it for me.
When I’ve finished my hot chocolate, I slide off my stool and wrap my fingers around his wrist.
“Bedtime, mister. You turn into an even bigger grumpy pants when you don’t get your beauty sleep.” He mock-glares at me, and I giggle as he knocks back the last dregs of his whiskey and sets his glass beside my mug in the sink before wrapping his hand around mine and allowing me to tug him up the stairs.
However, instead of depositing him outside his door, I drag him up the next flight of stairs to my room. “Tonight’s meant to be your night alone,” he states aloud as I tug him into my bedroom.
“And I’ve decided I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Turning, I press up on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck so we’re at eye level. “I’d far rather spend it with you.”
He exhales, and I swear every bit of tension that’s been keeping him strung tight these last few weeks extinguishes with it.
“I sleep better when I’m beside you,” he confesses in a quiet voice.
“I know.” I’d already realized that. On the nights when he’s in my bed, or I’m in his, he sleeps deeply, his worries seemingly forgotten. However, when I’m alone or with Kai or Wilder, I hear him pacing about at all hours of the night, unable to sleep. It hurts my heart. I keep hoping that it will ease with time. Kai reassures me that it will, but he just needs more time. Nevertheless, until that day comes, I can’t sit back and listen to him pace the floors all night. I don’t care who I’m sleeping with, I’ll invite Hawk to join until whatever monsters are nipping at his heels lose interest.
“When you’re not there…” He swallows roughly, and I can tell it’s taking a lot for him to tell me this. “When I close my eyes, I’m back in the kitchen, strapped to that chair with Mel hovering over you with that knife.” His voice cracks, yet he doesn’t once look away from me, his eyes glistening with pain. “For a split second, when I wake, I’m paralyzed with the fear that she succeeded. That you…died.”
I don’t even realize tears are running down my face until he swipes them away with his thumb.
“Hawk.”
Anguish. Guilt. Anger.
All of it is imbued in his name as it rolls off my tongue, and I lift his hand, pressing it over the steady thump of my heart so he can feel it for himself.
With a slight squeeze instructing him to keep his hand there, I cup his face with both of mine. “Can you feel my hands on your face?” I wait until he gives a terse nod. “Can you feel my heart beneath your hand?” Another sharp jerk of his head. “I’m here. I’m alive.”
“You shouldn’t have been there.” His voice is rough, strained. “You should have run when I told you to.”
I shake my head. “I was never going to leave you. From the second we entered the house, things played out the way they were always meant to.”
His lips purse.
“If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t have left me.” I don’t need to phrase it as a question because I already know for a fact he wouldn’t have walked away. “So why would I leave you? I would have preferred to have died with you that night than be forced to live a life without you.”
“Don’t say that,” he croaks, leaning forward until his forehead rests against mine. “Don’t ever say that. You dying is not an option.”
“I’m not dead,” I assure him. “And neither are you. Nor Kai or Wilder. The only one who is, is Mel. Shediedthat night,” I repeat, impressing the words upon him and hoping they sink in. “She’s no longer here to taunt us, so stop letting her get to you from beyond the grave.”
He huffs out a breath, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips. “It’s that easy, huh?”
