Page 105 of Frozen Hearts
He nods, glaring at the table as he blows out a tense breath.
“We need to start making preparations for after I’m released. The parole hearing is only a few weeks away.” His face has hardened when he lifts his gaze to mine; father mode switched out for ‘Business Bertram’.
“Okay…”
“I’ll need somewhere to live.”
“I can organize something for you when the time comes,” I assure.
“Not some shitty little apartment, Grayson. A proper house. Everyone will be watching and I need to show them that the Van Doren name hasn’t completely crumbled. They need to see that this is nothing but a bump in the road. One we will easily bounce back from.”
What does he think I’ve been doing these last four years? Sitting on my ass, twiddling my thumbs? Buying him a fancy, expensive house isn’t going to prove shit to anyone. No one is even watching. The newspapers moved on from his arrest years ago and I highly doubt they will give a shit when he gets released.
Not that highlighting any of that will do either of us any good. “Of course,” I agree instead. What the fuck does it matter to me where he lives? He’s spent four years inside a six-by-eight cell. He can live in a motherfucking castle after he gets released for all I care.
The only thing I care about is not losing my place in the company. Of course, I understand we can’t both be CEOs. He can have the title; I don’t care about that. While I believe I’ve earned it over the last four years, I understand that it’s rightfully his until such a time as he retires and hands it to me. What I don’t want is to be cast aside, given a bottom rung role that I would have been handed upon graduation under normal circumstances.
What I want is to be his second-in-command.
To be making the decisions along with him.
To have a say in the vital workings and decisions made.
Which is precisely what I have been doing. So basically, I want to continue doing what I’ve been doing, but he can have the CEO title if it makes him feel better.
“Dad,” I hedge, since we’re talking about life post-release.
“I know, Grayson.” With a waned smile, he reaches across the table, placing his hand over mine and giving it a quick squeeze. “You’ve done a commendable job these last four years. You’ve truly stepped up, and I could not be prouder. I’m a firm believer in repaying hard work. We can discuss your place in the company once I’m out of here, okay?”
I sigh, some of the tension loosening in my chest as I take in the proud gleam in his eyes. Our relationship has been tumultuous recently, and I know part of that is because I’ve been so anxious about how things will change once he’s back at the helm, but I know he wants what’s best for the company and for me.
Equally, I understand that his upcoming parole hearing has been eating at him. The possibility of the freedom that awaits. It’s made him more irritable than usual. Caused us to be at one another’s throats more often.
But it’s a temporary glitch. Once he’s out, everything will go back to normal. Better than normal. It will go back to the way itwas.
“Sure thing, Dad,” I say with a tight smile, ignoring the unease twisting my guts. “We’ll have plenty of time to discuss it when you’re on the outside.”
I’ve basically been accountable to no one but myself since his arrest. I’ve been in charge of my own life, my own future. I’ve been the sole person responsible for the success and failures of Van Doren Holdings. The ultimate figurehead making all of the decisions. I’m the one who weathered the storm created by his arrest. Who reassured our employees and investors that this wasn’t the end of VDH. Who had to watch our stocks plummet and come up with ways to salvage it, without any experience or even really a full understanding of the significance of it all.
And I did it. I did all of it. Not only did I keep the company afloat, but thanks to the latest deal I negotiated, our share price is officially higher than it was before my dad’s arrest.
I did that. Me. All on my own, without him.
And yet, sitting here, despite his assurances and knowing he wants the best for the company, I am also aware thathewants to be the one to obtain it. That he’ll tear apart the company upon his release. He’ll destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve just so he can put it back together with his name on the dotted line. He has no appreciation for everything I’ve sacrificed to keep us equitable. The friends I lost because I no longer had time to hang out with them. The classes I missed because I needed to put out some new fire at the office. The press I had to dodge as a scared, overwhelmed eighteen-year-old kid.
For the entirety of that first year after he was arrested, my life was a literal shitshow. I was thrown into shark-infested waters with no clue how to swim and left to sink or build myself a life raft.
Know what I did? I built myself a motherfucking raft.
One that I improved upon year after year until that flimsy strip of wood that was barely keeping my head above water became a top-of-the-line cruise liner. A warship built for battle. An unsinkable barge large enough to carry all the baggage I lug around on a daily basis.
And I never told him any of it. Never confided in him. Because I didn’t want him to feel any more guilty than he already did. Didn’t want to put that weight on his shoulders when there was damn all he could do about it.
So while I understand; while I want to see my dad released and have him back in my life, to have a purpose and to help with the company, I also know I can’t let him destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve.
* * *
“Yo, how was your dad?” Logan asks when I step into the kitchen later that day. He and Royce are sitting at the table, mid-conversation, which is set aside when they both look my way.
