Page 15 of Frozen Hearts
Even when I’m drowning, and I don’t know which way up is the surface, I have to remind myself that at least I’m still alive. Still here to fight for the life that I want. The one I deserve.
My inner candle, once unlit, now burns brightly. Some days the flame may be low, the wick close to extinguishing, but I refuse to ever allow that candle to be snuffed out again.
Coming to Halston has been a humongous step forward. Putting some distance between me and my mother has helped enormously, but it’s more than that. It’s knowing I’m one step closer to financial freedom, job security, and proving that I can stand on my own two feet.
It’s claiming back a sliver of control and carving out a life that is purely mine. Based onmydecisions, onmyactions. I’m sick and tired of living an existence beneath the heel of someone else's boot, to be used, abused, manipulated, and subjugated.
Sleep is all but forgotten as I gather the textbooks I dumped on the floor last night and flick them open, ready to dive back into the English assignment I was working on yesterday. Despite the flicker of paranoia still wreaking havoc somewhere in the back of my head, a fire has been ignited in my veins. A thirst for life. For freedom. And glaring at the open page before me, in a low voice, I vow, “I’m taking back control, starting now.”
* * *
By the time that afternoon comes around, I’m flagging, whispering words of love and awe to my coffee as I make my way toward the library for my first tutoring session with Logan.
To say I’m anxious would be an understatement. I’m not sure what to expect. Logan is flirty and full of himself, and I don’t for one minute think he will simply sit there and listen to me explain statistical theories to him.
I’m also aware that, despite my best efforts, he has an uncanny way of wriggling beneath my defenses. The fact he managed to sucker me into taking precious time out of my already packed schedule to do this is emphasis enough of my inability to say no to him.
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I make my way up the library steps, and I swiftly pull it out, glancing at the screen.
Logan
Got us a table at the back.
Logan and I swapped numbers that day in class. I needed to check my work schedule before confirming a date and time for us to meet. I’d been hesitant to give him my number, imagining him abusing it by texting me at all hours. Although he has been surprisingly honorable, only messaging to arrange today's tutoring session.
Of course, he tried relentlessly to get me to come to his place to study, spouting some bullshit about getting more peace there than he will in the library, but I wasn’t having it. Alone with him in a bedroom when he has no concept of personal boundaries and flirts as effortlessly as Logan does? Yeah, that’s a recipe for disaster!
Thankfully, he relented and agreed to meet at the library instead.
As I’m weaving my way through the tables, I spot him in a corner at the back of the room, away from prying eyes. Again, this is a surprising move for someone who loves being the center of attention.
Perhaps he’s embarrassed to be seen with me.
The school heartthrob and the scholarship student… now, that would get tongues wagging, no doubt.
“Hi,” I greet awkwardly as I approach the table, setting my bag down as I pull out the chair beside him. “Sorry I’m late. I needed a caffeine fix.”
I hold up my steaming coffee cup as if that proves I was genuinely getting coffee.
He gives me a lopsided grin. “And there I was, beginning to think I’d been stood up.”
I snort. “You’ve never been stood up a day in your life.”
“No, but there’s a first time for everything. And how typical would it be that it’d be with the one girl I actually want to spend time with?”
My cheeks blush, something I’m learning is a commonality around Logan, even though I know he doesn’t mean it like that. It’s his naturally flirty demeanor.
And because he needs your help,I remind myself.Not because he’s actually interested in you.
Not that it would matter if he was.No distractions, remember?
With that reminder, I throw up my mental walls against his charm. “Shall we get to work?”
Just like that, the teasing glint in his eye slips away, and an uncannily serious Logan appears before me. “Sounds good, where do we start?”
The next couple of hours fly by. Logan continues to surprise me. Not once does he try to flirt or goof off. He’s wholly focused and pays attention to everything I say and, as I discover, is actually quite smart.I know, shocker, right?
He doesn’t take offense when I point out that he's doing something wrong or that his answer to a problem is incorrect.
