Page 22 of Wicked Minds
Or perhaps I’m grasping at straws in a bid for what she hinted at not to be true.
“I know,” I grit out, the words sharper than I intend. “Thank you. Have a good day.” My head is a mess as I walk outside, lost in my thoughts. I’m exhausted, confused, and doubting myself and everyone around me. Which is truth, and which is lies? It’s impossible to distinguish one from the other. Who’s the liar, Riley or my dad? It grates that I don’t have an immediate answer to that. That I don’t instantly dive to my father’s defense the way I always have. The way Ishould.
The problem is, nothing is making sense anymore.
Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if it ever did.
Have I been walking around with rose-tinted glasses, only seeing what I wanted to?
I shake my head. Surely not. I’m not that oblivious.
Like the nurse said, perhaps this is Gran’s disease progressing. It would make sense that she’d focus on my father since she’s never liked him.
However, that only leads back to the age-old question ofwhydoesn’t she like him? What did he do? What happened? Is their animosity truly over VDH… or does it run deeper? Darker?
“Fuck,” I groan aloud, frustration welling within as I smack my hand against the leather steering wheel.
Truth. Lies.
How the fuck am I meant to differentiate the two? Who am I supposed to believe?
The sound of my phone ringing disrupts the silence in the car, cutting off my rambling thoughts, and I glance toward the screen in the center console.Incoming call from Springview Federal Correctional Center.
I scoff aloud, declining the call without a second thought. I am in no mood to deal with my father’s bullshit today. No doubt he is calling to yell at me for not having called his lawyers back yet. His parole hearing is coming up soon, and it’s basically all we've talked about recently. I know if I answer his call now, I’ll say something I shouldn’t. I can already picture the entire conversation. Whatever I say will piss him off. He’ll question my loyalty and be mortally offended that I’m doubting him. He’ll makemedoubt myself more than I already am. He’ll also want to know why now—what has me questioning everythingnow, and for some reason, I’m reluctant to tell him about Riley’s disruptive re-emergence in my life.
Inhaling deeply, I rest the back of my head against the headrest and close my eyes. Auburn hair and hazel eyes float to the surface of my mind before I wrench them open, glaring across the nursing home’s parking lot.
Still, I feel them all around me. My small sports car crowded with so many ghosts.
Riley’s sweet voice mixes with Gran’s fearful tone and Dad’s indignation from the day he was arrested, twisting my stomach and hurting my head until I can’t tell up from down. I’ve been shoved so deep underwater that I’ve lost all sense of direction. I can’t see the sunlight and have no way to determine which way is up to the surface and which will only drag me deeper into the murky depths below.
8
LOGAN
My blades glide across the ice, the puck under my complete control as I beeline for the net. Lining up the shot, I effortlessly knock it in.
Of course, it helps that there’s no goalie to put up a fight.
Nico—the traitor—bailed on me half an hour ago, but I wasn’t ready to call it quits yet. I’ve basically been living at the rink since Christmas Day.
Since I got home and discovered she was gone.
Even now, so many emotions well up that I can’t identify them. They’re just this hobbled mishmash of conflicting feelings.
Anger. Guilt. Concern. Relief. Heartache.
I still can’t believe that fucker deleted her number from my phone. I should have memorized it. However, even as I think that, I know I’d be facing the same challenge of dying to see her while also wanting to respect the space she’s asked for.
I’m trying, dammit, but not being able to see her is killing me. To see with my own eyes that she’s doing okay.
I hate this whole situation. Hate that she even wants space from me. That I forced her into needing to distance herself.
And if I’m being completely honest with myself, I’m angry for not doing what Royce did. He did what I should have donethe second Riley poured her heart out to me—he took herhome.Where she belongs. Where she is safe from Grayson, and ultimately from us too.
It’s what I should have done. I was being selfish, keeping her around. I wanted to keep her near, to be the one taking care of her. I was afraid that if I let her go, she’d run and never look back, and I couldn’t bear that thought.
The thought of being without her.
