Page 28 of Wicked Minds
“And can I also assume that you’re the benevolent Samaritan who has paid my rent and bills for the rest of the academic year?”
Yeah, that one came as a shock to me, too, when I had to contact my landlord last week to ask why my rent money for the month had been returned to me.
Seems he’s copped on to the fact I’m not exactly happy at the fact he’s trying to financially fix my life for me as this time his sheepish gaze remains on the tabletop as he murmurs his admission.
Leaning across the table, I pitch my voice low even though there’s no one sitting nearby. “I don’t need or want your money or pity, or whatever this is.”
“What? No. That’s not… That’s not at all what I was…” Growing in exasperation, he tries again, “I know money’s tight, and I just wanted to help. I felt it was the least I could do after… everything. It has absolutely nothing to do with pity. Hell, Riley, the last thing I feel for you is pity.” He shakes his head as if baffled. “How can I pity you when I’m in fuckingaweof you? Of everything you’ve survived, you’ve achieved? It’s got nothing to do with controlling your life or buying your forgiveness, either. I genuinely just wanted to do something nice for you. That’s it. No strings attached. You can choose to never talk to me again, and it… well, it’ll kill me inside, but it won’t change a thing. Your rent and bills are covered for the rest of the year. Think of it as one less thing to worry about so you can focus on your studies.”
Well, damn.I’m left speechless in the wake of his confession. Even when I go to speak, I find my throat dry. Logan’s anguish is written all over his face and in his dejected posture. I genuinely believe he just wants to help in the only way he knows how.
“Thank you.” The words break as they come out. “I… I don’t know what to say, that’s… it’s incredibly generous. Too generous, but I imagine if I continue to argue with you over it, I won’t get anywhere.”
“You won’t,” he states baldly.
“However.” He winces, any hope that had started to bloom at my acceptance of his generosity, dying a quick and painful death. “It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me, Logan. Not once, buttwice.Twice, I let you in, and you proved me wrong. What sort of idiot would that make me if I gave you a third opportunity to break my heart? To destroy my trust?” Each word I deliver is a sharpened knife to his chest, inflicting him with a flinch.
“It probably doesn’t mean anything,” he says in a small, haggard voice, “but I swear I’ll never abuse your trust again. Youcancount on me, Riley. Whatever our issues in the past, that was all me, and I’m so fucking sorry for what I put you through. All I can say is that I was a complete idiot, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. To prove that I can be better. That I can be someone deserving of you.”
My throat is thick with emotion, my chest constricted with grief, and my stomach twisted in anguish. “You’re right,” I croak, hating myself even though I have to say these next words aloud—for both of our sakes. “It doesn’t mean anything. Yourwordsmean nothing, Logan.”
He nods decisively, pushing up from his seat and leaning across the table until his lips are at the shell of my ear. “Then I’ll just have toshowyou how serious I am. About you. About us. Especially, because therewillbe an us again, Riley. I refuse to accept a reality where there isn’t, and just so you know, there isn’t a thing on this planet that I’ve gone after and not gotten. You’re tempting a famished husky with raw meat, and rest assured, I’ll snatch it from right under your nose.”
His expression is full of steely resolve before he stands to his full height and walks away, leaving me reeling in the remnants of our lunch.
The next morning, Logan is once again waiting outside my apartment building with a coffee in hand. However, this time he doesn’t offer me a ride. He simply wishes me good morning, hands me my coffee, and tells me I look beautiful before getting in his car. I’m left momentarily stunned as I watch him drive off, before beginning the walk to campus.
I guess this is his version of giving me space, while also reminding me of what he said yesterday.
Since I’m alone, I call my mom while sipping my coffee. Not surprised but definitely frustrated when she doesn’t answer. I continue trying her for the entire walk to campus and before I walk into my first class of the day, then I send her a text telling her to call me.
When I enter the dining hall at lunchtime, Logan’s already there, and when our eyes meet, he gestures to a tray overflowing with food set one table over from his. “Space,” he reminds me when I give him a quizzical look.
“Your version of it, anyway.”
His lips twist in a wry smirk. “I don’t remember saying I would stay away from you. Frankly, that would be counterintuitive to my plan to win you over.”
“Mmm,” is my only response as I head toward the empty table, doing my best to ignore the hulking hockey god silently following my every move.
“Won’t your fans be missing you?” I ask, halfway through eating my food.
He waves a dismissive hand. “They’ll survive. I’d far rather be here.”
I scan his face for any signs of sarcasm or a hint of a lie, except he’s completely genuine. Not missing what I imagine to be a buzzing lunch with his team and the clique of fans who constantly surround him.
“How does bringing me coffee in the morning and sitting a table away at lunch prove to me that you are serious?”
“I’m showing you that I’m here. That you can rely on me to show up every day and just sit with you while still giving you the space you asked for,” he explains logically. “Because Iamhere for you, Riley. I know I’ve let you down in the past, but never again.”
I don’t have anything to say to that, so I finish off the last bits of my lunch before getting to my feet. “Alright, I guess I’ll see you in the morning then.”
“I can’t wait, Shortcake.”
A shiver rolls through me at the use of his nickname. Still, I don’t let it show as I walk away. Logan’s going to do what Logan’s going to do, and only time will tell if this time is different than before. If it is… then I guess I’ll have a decision to make. And if it’s not… then better I find out before I hand him over the remaining pieces of my heart.
10
LOGAN
