Page 103 of Shattered Souls
Ihurtfor him.
It makes me realize he’s been hurting for me too.
With Aurora. With Bertram.
He’s been feeling that pain, too.
It makes all the shit that happened at the beginning of the school year seem petty. Childish.
Yeah, he fucked up. Yeah, he never apologized, but honestly, I wouldn’t expect him to. He might regret what he did, but he’s not sorry. He did what he felt he had to, and shouldn’t that be something I value in a person? That they’re willing to do what needs to be done regardless of whether it’s right or wrong?
Besides, knowing Grayson, he’d probably use the excuse as some twisted logic that if he hadn’t done that, the four of us wouldn’t be what we are now. Which, admittedly, I’m not entirely sure what we are, but it feels like it’s something significant. Something bigger than each of us individually.
It feels like family.
Grayson and I may be volatile, like oil and gasoline, but I’m ready to light that match and go up in flames with him.
When we reach the door, Royce slows, hesitating. “I’ll wait here.” His voice is a low rumble. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I move to join him, but Grayson’s words stop me. “Riley.” I turn to face him, my heart aching at the sight of his glassy eyes. It reminds me of the day he found out about Aurora. He had that same sheen. Grayson may act cold and unfeeling, but if I were to hazard a guess, I’d say he feels more than the rest of us. Perhaps too much, even. “Will you come in with me?”
His plea is raw, a crack in the armor he’s built around himself. I see the fear and vulnerability he’s usually so good at hiding, and it breaks me. How can I deny him this? How can I not be there when he’s pleading with such silent desperation?
“Only if you want to.”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat and threading my fingers through his. Pain and fear are still prevalent in his stare, but his shoulders drop, some of the tension in them easing. Hisgrip is firm, almost pleading, and I squeeze back, hoping to offer some semblance of comfort.
We step into the room together, the door closing softly behind us. The curtains have been pulled, the only light coming from a small bedside lamp that casts a warm glow over the room. Gran lies comfortably in her bed, frail and pale, her breaths shallow and labored. Beside her sits a nurse, who rises, moving over to greet us. Her face is etched with sympathy as she talks to Grayson in a hushed tone.
“I’m so sorry,” she says softly. “She’s been in and out of consciousness. She’s comfortable and not in any pain.” Reaching out, she squeezes Grayson’s arm. “This is the end, Grayson. Sit with her. Talk to her. We’ll give you peace to say goodbye.”
Grayson’s Adam’s apple bobs, his eyes never straying from his Gran’s frail form as he nods his acknowledgment before the nurse silently slips from the room.
Only when we’re alone does he take a shuddering breath. That brave face he’s been donning starts to crumble, and I direct him to the chair the nurse had been sitting in. The raw pain in his eyes is unbearable as he sinks into it, focusing intently on his Gran. His grip remains firm on my hand the entire time, like without it, he’d drift out to sea and never find his way to shore.
“Gran,” he whispers, his voice breaking.
I stand beside him as he lifts the wafer-thin skin of her hand and presses his lips to it. His face crumples as he drops his forehead to rest beside her arm on the sheet, whispering words I can’t hear but feel in the depths of my soul.
I don’t know how to comfort him, how to ease the pain etched so deeply into his features. My heart aches for Gran, for Grayson, for the love and loss swirling around us. I want to say something, anything, but the words stick in my throat, unable to break free.
Instead, I focus on being present and letting him know he’s not alone. I run my thumb over the back of his hand, a smallgesture, but it’s all I can offer. Tears blur my vision as I watch the man I’ve come to care for more deeply than I realized grapple with a pain that’s tearing him apart.
Grayson’s shoulders shake with silent sobs, and I feel my own tears spill over. The love in this room is palpable, even amidst the heartbreak. I squeeze his hand again, hoping he can feel my support, my unwavering presence.
Eventually, he sits up. He tugs on my hand, his other arm banding around my waist as he drags me into his lap so my back rests against his chest. He buries his nose in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply before releasing a shuddering exhale.
“I don’t know what to do without her,” he confesses in a voice so low that if he wasn’t breathing the words directly into my ear, I wouldn’t have heard them. “She’s been my rock. The one constant in all the chaos. I might not need her the way I did at eighteen, but I stillneedher.” His eyes shimmer with unshed tears, and he takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.
Still unable to find the right words, I lean back into his chest, letting him know I’m here. We’re silent for a drawn-out moment, Grayson lost in his thoughts.
Eventually, he starts to speak. “Gran used to make the best apple pie,” he says, a small, wistful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Every Sunday, without fail, we’d have pie after dinner. I remember helping her in the kitchen whenever I stayed at hers when I was little. She’d let me roll out the dough, even though I always made a mess. But she never minded. She’d just laugh and tell me I was her little chef.”
I can see the memories playing out in his mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of what he’s losing. “She taught me how to drive,” he confesses. “Dad was… busy, so Gran took me to an empty parking lot and let me practice until I finally got the hang of it. I remember how patient she was, never once losing her temper, even when I nearly ran into a lamppost.”
Grayson’s eyes drift back to Gran, and he brushes his thumb over the backs of her fingers. “She’s the reason I am who I am today. Why I didn’t end up completely lost in the dark. She believed in me when no one else did.” He pauses, his voice trembling. “I just don’t know how to do this without her. She’s been my guide, my confidante. I feel like I’m losing a part of myself.”
I swallow hard, shuffling sideways on his lap so he can see my face. His expression is one of devastation as I lift a hand, pressing my palm to his cheek. I wish there was more I could do. Wish I could take away this pain for him. “You’ll always have those memories, Grayson. She’s given you so much, and you’ve made her proud every step of the way. She’ll always be with you in everything you do. Everything you achieve.”
