Page 64 of Things We Do for Love and Science
“See, our dad gave her the idea she was never good enough, made her feel guilty for being the reason he stayed in an unhappy marriage. She was the ‘reconciliation baby’ after he’d had an affair. It’s easier for a boy, all you have to do is to become a better man. But for her to trust in men after that early experience...”
Gabriel grabbed the edge of the table with both hands. “That instrumentalization of children makes my blood boil.”
Tom grimaced. “Exactly. Of course, my dad didn’t stop having affairs. He counted on my mum to keep the façade of the happy family intact, which made her miserable and bitter. All throughout Delia’s childhood, Mum gave her ominous warnings about men. Delia hated it so much. She wanted a life different from that of her mother, a woman who had stayed in an unhappy marriage where she wasn’t respected. The number one lesson Delia took away from that sorry mess was that she couldn’t trust a man especially if she loved him. So, independence it is. Don’t get attached so you won’t get hurt or abandoned.”
Gabriel gasped. It was a world away from how he’d grown up, the only child of parents who doted on each other. If only Delia had allowed him to give her all the love and security she craved.
“Our parents separated eventually, but by then, I had already left home, and Delia was on her way to university.” Tom shifted in his seat. “Now, I’ve probably made a mistake telling you this, been disloyal to my sister, or something. I didn’t mean to give you hope. I fear there is none. But when I spotted you in bits in front of her house... Well, you should at least know a few things that may help you put the matter to rest. Closure and all that.”
Gabriel sucked in air; his chest too tight to properly take it in. This was as much as he could process. He hadn’t even finished his pint and was still able to drive. “Tom, thanks, I owe you a pint, but I’d rather go home now.”
“No worries.” Tom put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I would have loved nothing more than for you and Delia—” He broke off, probably recognizing the remark as far from helpful.
“Thank you for this.” Gabriel shook Tom’s hand and left the pub.
Chapter Nineteen
The days followingher falling out with Gabriel, Delia coped the only way she knew how—she buried herself in work. During the day, busyness kept her safe from her emotions, but at night, things were altogether different.
In dark and quiet moments, a sharp and heavy feeling gnawed at her. She’d lost him, and that loss was like a gash in her gut. Why did he have to try to change their friendship into something it was never meant to be? Did he hate her now? How would he react if they ran into each other in town? Pretty unlikely, but still.
Two weeks later, her period arrived on the expected day. Alone in the bathroom of her flat, she fumbled with a box of tampons, tears blurring her vision. It was over. They would never be parents together.
She sat on the rim of her bathtub and gave way to her grief, only biting down on her hand when weeping threatened to turn into wailing.
Where had it all gone wrong? They’d planned it meticulously, and she’d communicated everything clearly and yet... She should have stuck to her original plan to go with a sperm bank. But Gabriel’s offer had been so enticing—a co-parent with wonderful genes and a kind heart. What better father for her child could she have wished for?
She had to take a break before she considered an anonymous sperm donor. Thoughts of parenthood had become intrinsically linked with Gabriel, and she needed time to heal, to disentangle.
She tugged tissues from a box and wiped her eyes—no use dwelling on the past. A solution would present itself, eventually. Her body shook with the force of suppressed sobs, and she balled her hands into fists to keep a lid on her emotions.
Get a hold of yourself, Delia.That sentence had been the refrain of her childhood and had become an elemental part of her inner monologue. Caught in the trenches between her warring parents, all expressions of violent emotion had been reserved for the two adults in the home.
Her brother and she were silent veterans of that conflict. They’d emerged scarred but alive, thanks to the support they’d always given to one another.
Tom, of course. She’d forgotten about the experiments she’d promised to do with her niece. The children’s chemistry kit for Rubina had arrived over a week ago, but Delia had never brought it over. She went to the wash basin, splashed cold water on her face, and got ready to go out.
