Page 82 of Things We Do for Love and Science
Gabriel bent his head and clasped his hands in his lap. “I loved her, I truly did. To be honest, deep down, I must have hoped the whole pretense would become real if I wished it hard enough. But she, well, it wasn’t a wish she shared.”
Why was he even saying this? Why was he baring his soul to a man who was essentially a business partner and nothing more? High time he went to see that psychologist.
Mr. Brady-Greene put a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. “This is a terrible blow indeed.”
Gabriel lifted his head to face the other man fully. “I’m truly sorry, Mr. Brady-Greene, I shouldn’t have lied to you and your wife. It was awful to deceive you, and there’s no excuse for my behavior.”
“Of course, it’s never pleasant to be lied to with such conviction, but you did achieve what you set out to do. You were honest to a fault in your business dealings with me and the bank, and that is what counts. On a personal level, what concerns me more is the pain you have brought upon yourself with this charade. It seems to me you would have married her in a heartbeat.”
Gabriel winced. God knew he would have. He didn’t deserve this man’s graciousness, but he had another urgent request. “If I could ask one more thing of you, please don’t mention any of this to Professor John Winter? I would like to give Delia the chance to deal with the matter in a way she sees fit.”
“Not to worry, I will only tell my wife.” The bank manager frowned. “I’m not eager to share this sad news with anyone else.” He stood and stretched his hand out. “Lord Renwood, I’m looking forward to seeing your business thrive.”
Gabriel clasped the offered hand. “Thank you, and please give my regards to Mrs. Brady-Greene.”
~ * ~
Gabriel rang the bellbelow the shiny brass sign that read “C. Miller, UKCP psychotherapist” and was buzzed in. He ascended the stairs with a coldness in the pit of his stomach. This was his second session with Mr. Miller, and he wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, it was a mystery to him why Evelyn had recommended this particular colleague of hers.
Where she was warm, caring, and encouraging, this man was aloof and mostly silent, only occasionally urging him on to continue with his life story. Until now, Gabriel had babbled like a fool in front of a disapproving judge. He would make a decision today. If things didn’t improve, he’d try to find somebody else, recommendation yes or no.
In hindsight, he should have been suspicious of a psychotherapist who had no waiting list to speak of.
On entering the consultation room, Mr. Miller gave him a curt greeting before motioning for him to sit on the smooth leather couch in the impersonally furnished room. Again, the therapist sat opposite him, his gaze averted. Gabriel was being dissected like frog while he poured out his heart to this stranger.
Anger rose in him at the lack of empathy he was being treated with. He mightn’t be the man, who had suffered most in the history of mankind, but he was pretty certain a counsellor shouldn’t be openly disapproving.
But before he could put his plan into action and leave the room, never to return, Christian Miller crossed one leg over the other and faced Gabriel. The sudden movement startled him, and he couldn’t think of anything to say.
Which was no problem since Mr. Miller had decided to do the talking. “I suppose it’s time to cut to the chase, Mr. Kirwan. You had feelings for her from the beginning?”
Gabriel swallowed, unsettled by the sharp, confrontational tone. “I wasn’t aware of it, I mean, I was attracted to her naturally. She’s beautiful, witty, and good company...”
“But you didn’t fall in love because...?” the therapist asked.
Gabriel clenched his hands, and a knuckle cracked. “I suppose she made it clear she was more detached and not interested in anything romantic. Sub-consciously, I must have suppressed any yearning for emotion and interpreted it as simple lust.”
“Then, what changed?”
Searing heat rose in Gabriel’s face. “We, erm, made a pact to try for a baby and co-parent the child because she wanted to be a mother but did not believe in committed relationships.”
Christian Miller raised one eyebrow. “And you went along with it?”
“Yes.” Gabriel drew in a deep breath. “Yes, because I also wanted to be a father. She wasn’t offering a romantic relationship, so I was willing to enter into this alternative arrangement.” On reflection, it was painfully clear that he’d snapped up every morsel she’d been willing to give him.
“And still no feelings?” The therapist eyeballed him with barely concealed derision.
Gabriel’s jaw tightened. “At first, we were quite clinical about it. I provided her with a sperm sample, and she did the rest herself. But after two failed attempts, we fell to...well...erm, trying to get pregnant the conventional way. That’s when I realized I’d fallen in love.”
“Even though she’d warned you.” Mr. Miller pursed his lips.
Gabriel lifted his chin. “Let’s just say, I wasn’t as invested in the idea that romantic love always ends in tears because I’m the product of a happy marriage.”
Cynicism wasn’t the only valid worldview. Deep and lasting affection between partners was as much a reality of life as conflict and eventual indifference.
The therapist scribbled something into his notebook. “And so, you came to believe you could heal her with your love, but that backfired.”
Gabriel bit his lower lip and hung his head. “I suppose so, yes. Not consciously, but yes.”
