Page 81 of Ember and Eclipse
On the edge of all of that, there was something else, an encompassing thing that felt like regret. When he was done washing up, he passed by her without looking at her. She watched him disappear into the bedroom.
By the time she had removed the blood that covered her and taken a quick bath to scrub every part of her body, he had disappeared.
“Devdan?” she called out, but there was no reply.
Opening the front door, she peered into the night to find him pacing the length of the island.
“Come inside,” Rel said gently. “Have you tended to your wounds?”
But he didn’t stop.
“Devdan,” she said again to no avail. Finally, she moved toward him. When he turned to pace again, she blocked his path. He stiffened, inhaled, and then looked down. Pressing her hand over her heart, she said, “Stop ignoring me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
His jaw flexed. “I shouldn’t have come here, and I definitely shouldn’t have stayed when you made it clear that you weren’t ready for the bond or even wanted it. I’m not blaming you—I understand. I wasn’t even thinking that the soul of the pack could follow me, but Ishouldhave. It should have been something I took into consideration. If I wasn’t here, none of this would have happened. They could have…” His voice cracked as he shook his head, and his hands tightened into fists.
“But they didn’t. We are both alive, and the problem has been solved. We are bothalive,” she repeated.
“I’ve been selfish. And I shouldn’t be anymore.”
“Stop,” she said, a sudden hurt coursing through her. “What are you saying?”
“I should leave. It would be better that way, for you.”
A tangled knot of emotions unfurled within her, but she seized hold of the safest one—anger. “How do you know what’s best for me? Who made you the Weaver of my fate? And what’s the gods damn point of having a mate if you can’t bear what life throws at you together? You said you’d fight for us.”
His eyes flashed to hers, searching. Hope was a star-like glimmer in his lunar gaze, extinguishing her irritation just as fast. His mouth worked silently. Finally, he said, “You claimed me as your mate tonight.”
“I did.”
“Why?” The question was so much more than that one syllable.
She stepped closer still. “I’ve never had anyone be mine before, but I find that I don’t like people threatening that which belongs to me.”
His inhale was sharp as his body tensed. She could tell that he was trying to gather armor—manage expectations, throw up last-minute shields around his heart.
“You said you would leave if I asked you to.” His hand curled around her hip and then tightened with her words.
“Yes.” It was barely a whisper.
“What if I asked you to stay?”
“I’d stay. For as long as you wanted me.”
“And if I wanted you to stay forever? Be mine for a lifetime and beyond that?”
“Yes.” His words were still brittle, just a reply on a hope-filled breath.
“Stay,” she whispered fiercely. “Stay and fight with me so I can tally up all my victories. Stay and laugh with me in the middle of the night. Stay and torment the crocs and scold our ornery plants. Just… stay. I can never go back to before you. To life without you. You’ve become my best friend, my confidant. I’ve spent a lifetime not being enough or being too much, having nothing of my own, belonging nowhere but out here alone in the middle of this swamp. And then, as fate would have it, you hunted me down. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, but if you stay, I’ll tell you every day. Just please stay.”
His eyes held tears on the brink of his lashes. “Are you certain you want me? As I am? After all, we both know you won’t win any of our fights.” Despite the joke, his voice was heavy with emotion.
She laughed, her own tears leaking from her eyes as she did. “I just poured my heart out to you, and you’re worried about who will win our fights?” Then, quieter, she said, “I am certain I want you,exactlyas you are. Stay with me.”
Devdan didn’t need any further time to process her demands. His hand traveled to the nape of her neck, gently pulling her hair so that her chin tilted upward.
And then he kissed her.
When their lips met this time, it was full of something that no words could support. Only their shared need to taste and hold each other spoke what they could not.
