Page 19 of Love vs The Ooze Monster!
“The ones who drank RIP Moonshine were changed.” Boyd glanced around, putting pieces together. “If orange slime was pouring out of their bodies, God only knows what it did to their minds. It made them crazy.” He’d seen men lose it so bad in war, they weren’t human anymore. Just mindless, screaming creatures. “Theykilled the others.”
Mabel winced. “So, speakeasies can now make regular people into murderous ooze monsters. And somehow it can melt innocent victims? And then just disappear into Volstead, ready to strike again?That’sour theory?”
Boyd slowly nodded. “That’s our theory.”
“It’s a very weird theory.”
“We live in Nevermore County. I’ve heard weirder.”
Mabel sighed with genuine regret. “Well, I hope that this particular weird theory is wrong and all these people were murdered by a normal, human lunatic. An ooze monster would be justterriblefor the liquor business.”
Chapter Five
Embalmed: (1920s slang) Getting tipsy on bootlegged liquor
Mabel thought maybe she was embalmed. Drunk. Blotto. Plastered. Thoroughly intoxicated on her own high-quality product. There was simply no other explanation for why she was being so cooperative with her ex-employer.
She’d been hanging around with the insufferable man for most of the day, which was simply baffling since he still hadn’t apologized.
Boyd had fired her!
Mabel had never thought she’d see the day when she was fired from anything. She always worked hard and excelled. Why, she’d been first in her class in every class she’d ever taken. Being fired wastrulyupsetting. Until Boyd showed some remorse for his uncalled for behavior, she shouldn’t be talking to him, at all.
The only issue was… Boyd was the person she most liked to talk to. So, not talking to him was also punishingher, in a way, and why should Mabel suffer for his mistakes? Also, she really did need to tell him when he was doing something wrong. Otherwise, he might not know how wrong he was.
“You’re doing that wrong.”
Boyd was kneeling on the back stoop of the Peaceful Slumber Funeral Parlor, fiddling with the doorknob with one hand and holding his flashlight with the other. He slanted her an unappreciative glower. “I’ve been picking locks since I was five.”
“Then, you’ve been doing it wrong for the last twenty-six years.”
“Do you want to try this?” He gestured towards the door.
Mabel brightened. “Yes, actually…”
“Too bad. I got here first.” He smirked at her and went back to his wrongheaded ways.
Yes, she really must be embalmed.
Making a face at the back of his head, she scanned around the darkened yard of the funeral parlor. The moon was full, so there was some illumination, but it was nine o’clock at night. In this part of Volstead, that meant every business was closed and all the respectable people were in bed. Very few lights were on and everything was still.
Honestly, the silence was a bit unnerving. Mabel couldn’t help but imagine the ooze monster lurking in the small wooded area, at the edge of the property. Watching with glowing orange eyes. If it evenhadeyes. If there even was an ooze monster. Mabel was a feet-on-the-ground pragmatist, so it was difficult for her to conceptualize such a thing, even in Nevermore County.
What would it look like? Why was it there? Who had made it? How could it possibly exist, in the first place?
She was still hoping that Boyd’s whole theory was wrong and the speakeasy patrons had been killed by regular, everyday gangsters… Who somehow melted people with orange slime.
Drat.
Until they figured this whole thing out, Mabel wasn’t going to relax. For now, the night was peaceful, though. Which was fitting for a place called Peaceful Slumber Funeral Homes. Thinking about peacefully slumbering corpses reminded her of yet another reason she was mad at Boyd.
“Did you really kill Wilson Carmine?”
“He might not be dead.” Boyd said easily. “A lot of people are amazing swimmers and they didn’t even know it until they tried.”
Mabel sighed. Loudly. “For someone who dislikes funerals, you have no problem with creating bodies.”
“Yeah, but I don’t dress up their earthly remains in pretty clothes and garish makeup. That’s just morbid.”
