Page 41 of Love vs The Ooze Monster!
“Well, you had poor Charlie lurking around outside my boardinghouse, anyway. I thought he might as well lend a hand.”
“The landlady was asking all kinds of questions, about where Miss Mabel was and why she didn’t come home last night.” Charlie chimed in. “I told her to bug off.”
Boyd winced a bit. Mabel was not going to like Mrs. Patten tracking her down for a morality lecture. “Alright. I’ll handle this. Just get some rest. I want you watching my house again tonight, in case Rico shows up here.”
“You bet, boss.”
“Hey, wait.” A new idea occurred to Boyd. “You’ve been at the docks all your life, haven’t you?”
“Since I was a kid.”
“You know anything about jellyfish?”
“If one stings you, pour vinegar on it. Baking soda works, too, actually. Some folks say to piss on it, but I’ve never found that helps much…”
Boyd cut him off. “No, I mean, how do youkilljellyfish?”
“Pull ‘em onto land, same as any other fish. Nets work.”
“What if it’s alreadyonland?”
“Then it’s already dead and you don’t got to kill it no more.”
Boyd pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay. Thanks, Charlie. That’s very helpful.”
“Sure, boss.”
Boyd hung up the phone and glanced at Mabel. “Charlie says if the slime monster stings us, we can dump your precious baking soda on it.”
“Stings us? What if itdevoursus?”
“He was less clear on that part.” Boyd leaned against the desk, crossing his legs at the ankle.
Mabel dropped her forehead to the desktop blotter. “How can there be nothing on killing the ooze monster, in all those books?” She complained. “It’s very irresponsible of the authors to scrimp on vital details.”
“We’re dealing with a huge, unnatural jellyfish and not a regular jellyfish. I’m not sure anybody on Earth knows more than you and I do about it.”
“Maybe we should call some kind of zoo or something?” Mabel mused. “Scientists? Experts qualified to come to Volstead and deal with a dangerous creature.”
“Good luck convincing anyone that there’s a man-eating jellyfish walking around, even in this county. Like I told you last night, no one will believe us.” Boyd had never had much use for any sort of authorities. In war and on the streets, you got better results when you just handled shit yourself. His eyes narrowed in thought. “I think we should trap it.”
“Trap it?” She still didn’t lift her head from the desk. “How?”
“We’ve got three syndicates full of armed men. We’ll send them out searching, until they find the damn thing. Corner it. Then, try every weapon we can think of on it, until it finally dies.”
Mabel was silent for a long moment. “That’s a reasonable plan.” She finally decided. “I always admire how straightforward and efficient you are about violence.”
“Why thank you, Mabel.”
“We’ll have to gather up some weapons to experiment with, though. Fire might be a good place to start…” Her voice trailed off and she lifted her head from the desktop. “Boyd? Are those the same spats you were wearing yesterday?” Her gaze was fixed on his shoes. “The ones that were covered in ooze?”
He glanced down, as well. “Yeah, they finally came clean.”
“Howdid they come clean?”
It dawned on him what she was getting at. If the cleanser had removed the orange slime, perhaps it could be used against the slime monster itself.
“Baking soda and vinegar.” He announced with a slow smile. “Your landlady said it could fix up anything.”
