Page 67 of Love vs The Ooze Monster!
Boyd instinctively looked back at the creature, which was now only yards away. Tentacles lashed the air, eager to catch hold of them.
Holy SHIT!
Boyd bounded to his feet, dragging Mabel with him. “We have to go.Now.”
“It should have worked!” Mabel insisted, as he half-carried her back up the hill. “I pulled the corks out of a bunch of vinegar jugs and dumped them on the baking soda sacks. When they combine, it should cause a huge reaction.”
“Maybe the ooze monster didn’t take chemistry, either, and it doesn’t know that.”
The creature let out a sudden growling, wubbling scream. Boyd pushed Mabel behind him, herding her backwards, as the creature stumbled closer. However, with each jerky motion forward, it seemed to get… smaller.
“I knew it would work.” Mabel whispered.
Inside the creature’s translucent form, bubbles were forming. Millions of them, fizzing and popping and eating away at the slime. Deep within the ooze monster, a chain reaction began that nothing could stop.
Grim satisfaction filled Boyd. “Baking soda and vinegar can fix up anything.” He quoted.
The creature shrank, right before their eyes. A puddle of orange ooze began to form all around it, as its insides bled out. Wherever the slime dripped, it scorched the ground beneath, before dissipating into a sulfurous, orange fog.
“It’s going to dissolve into nothing.” Mabel almost sounded dismayed. “We didn’t even get a picture of it! No one will believe it was an actual ooze monster. Knowing Volstead, they’ll all insist it was the subnaturals or a damn vampire!”
“Or both.”
“Either way, we won’t get any credit for killing it and we did all the work!”
“Medals are overrated, anyway.” Boyd belatedly grabbed the hat off of her head, just in case the ooze monster became re-attracted to the fake orange flowers.
“Hey!” Mabel protested and reached up to touch her bare head.
“I’m starting to think you and hats just don’t mix, doll. Every one you wear is either hideous or monster bait.”
The creature didn’t notice when Boyd tossed the hat into the weeds. It was caught up in its desperate struggle to survive. Its tentacles raked at its own body, trying to save itself. The strange appendages dug into its jellylike flesh, as if searching for the source of its pain. It wrenched the Rolls Royce free and threw it with a last burst of strength.
Boyd and Mabel instinctively ducked, as the car went flying. It landed halfway up an elm tree and immediately began to fall. With a reverberating crash, it broke through ten branches, before the front half hit the ground. The back half stayed lodged on the tree trunk, orange goo sizzling through the chrome.
“…shit.” Boyd lamented, grief-stricken over his beautiful baby. He laid a hand over his heart, staggered by the horrific loss.
Mabel cringed. “I’m sure we can fix all that. …Somehow.”
Expelling the car didn’t cure the ooze monster. The explosive reaction of the vinegar and baking soda couldn’t be contained. It shrieked again, the watery rumble filled with agony and defeat. Its exterior began to melt, like the Wicked Witch fromThe Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The half-digested remnants of victims fell from its body, as the slime they’d been suspended in washed away.
Boyd rallied from his anguish over the Rolls. He backed up another step, keeping Mabel behind him and keeping both of them out of range of the pooling goo and human bones.
The ooze monster swung its limp tentacles in their direction, trying to take them down with it. But it was too weak. Too small. Too formless. The last of it splashed down into an indistinguishable puddle, unable to keep its shape. The slime grew still, except for the fizzing of the baking soda bubbles, as they ate away at the creature’s evaporating corpse.
The ooze monster was gone.
Boyd watched it vanish and then looked over at Mabel. “I can’t believe you just exploded a giant jellyfish.”
“I told you, Lew liked to blow things up. Do you think I’d be any different? The man raised me.”
“I think it’s lucky you decided to become a gangster. If you wanted to, you could take over the whole globe. And honestly…? I don’t have the nerves to watch that.” He held up a palm, so she could see the unprecedented tremor in his fingers. Even in battle, he’d always stayed calm. Witnessing her near-death had been worse than fighting on the frontline. “Look what you just did to me, Mabe. I’m fucking shaking!”
“Heckingshaking.” She corrected piously.
“You’re going to hecking kill me. Didn’t I tell you never to risk yourself for me? Shall I repeat it?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Don’teverdo anything so riskyeveragain! I don’t think I’ll survive it, even if you somehow do.”
“It wasn’t risky. I had it all planned.” Mabel adjusted her glasses. “I mean, I obviously planned it very quickly, but I was sure it would work.”
