Page 126 of Happily Ever Witch
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Near the Club Castle
Yetis ate magic.
Esmeralda had known that zoological fact in the abstract, the same way she knew brilligs were excellent trackers and rocking-horseflies mated for life. It was one thing to hear dry information recited on some nature documentary. It was another to be living it in real time. A pack of enormous yetis had captured her and had carted her back to their cave for a feast.
And she was the feast.
The biggest of them was merrily making a fire to roast her on, while the others debated side dishes in their grunt-y language. All eight of them were covered in white fur and uncaring about Esmeralda’s protests. The scent of her magic was all they kept rumbling about, as they eagerly awaited their dinner.
“Look, I’m telling you, the Queen of Clubs ismuchmore delicious than me.” Esmeralda argued for the hundredth time. “And I am totally willing to help you eat every last succulent piece of that bitch, if you just let me go.”
Nothing.
The yetis acted like she wasn’t talking, at all. She supposed she should be grateful that they were epicurean monsters and not just eating her raw. They flipped through a recipe book on barbequed magic, thrilled with their meal planning.
Esmeralda sighed in aggravation. So far, her mission to rescue Marrok was not going well. Not only was she trapped in a cave and about to be slow-cooked on a spit, but the yetis had broken her phone. That had hurt. For real. Finding another one in Wonderland was going to be a royal pain. Not to mention, she still had to hike to the Club Castle and fight a bunch of people.
And she had to escape.
She needed to use a spell to get free of this mess. It seemed to be the only option. She could do that. It was just a matter of concentration and focus. Shefocusedon the biggest yeti, who was still preparing to cook Esmeralda alive. Sheconcentratedon getting her powers to cooperate, for once. Magic swelled within her…
And a television set fell from the sky.
It was one of the old-fashion console ones that weighed a ton. It crashed down on the yeti, the impact crushing the creature’s head like a watermelon. Esmeralda squinted at the boxy, blood-covered TV and the twitching body beneath it.
Well… okay.
Maybe not thebestspell, but at least it killed her abductor. She hadn’t exactly been trying for death-by-television. Still, it had kinda worked. That’s what mattered. How many more electronics could she conjure? At least seven, hopefully, because now the other yetis were real unhappy. They leapt to their feet, bellowing and furious.
“You started it!” Esmeralda shouted back at them. “You broke my phone!”
The yetis’ cave was built into the side of a mountain and furnished in a neo-primitive style. The walls were hewn into solid stone. The sparse furnishings were made from animal skins and branches. The lighting was all torches and campfires. It was extremely atmospheric, if you were into dinosaurs and rocks. Esmeralda wasn’t a huge fan of either.
Time to go.
The yetis had chained her to one of the gray walls by her wrists, but that didn’t much matter. Her magic might be iffy when it came to most spells, but she was really good at changing her appearance. Her hand shrunk down, easily slipping out of the restraints.
Her eyes cut towards the entrance to the cave, which seemed a far way off. The yetis were charging at her, blocking her escape. Crap. There were a lot of them.
How had she accomplished that smog spell that disappeared all the knights? That seemed like a way better option than flinging more TVs. As usual, when she thought about her magic too hard, nothing happened. Esmeralda tried again, planning the spell out, but the yetis still wouldn’t vaporize. Everything just got jammed inside of her and --crap-- they were getting super close, now.
Umm…
She weighed her options for half a second and then took off running. Since the path leading out of the cave was blocked by monsters, she went in the opposite direction, deeper into the maze of caverns. She had no idea where she was headed. Torches on the wall lit the way, as she followed the twisting stone passages farther underground.
Boom!
Splat!
A concussive explosion ricocheted off the stony surfaces of the cave’s interior, followed almost instantly by a terrible wetsquish. Esmeralda had no idea where the noise had come from, but it sounded disgusting. She spared a quick look over her shoulder. More yetis were following her, their yellow eyes slightly illuminated in the dim light. She was wandering deeper and deeper into their lair and now there were at least two dozen of them.
