Page 20 of Happily Ever Witch
“I removed all his bones, of course.”
Trevelyan opened his hand and all two-hundred-and-six of them fell from the air above the executioner. They bounced off the man’s dead body, clattering to the ground in a heap. His basketball-sized skull rolled around on its top, making a delightfully morbid sound that any dragon would’ve appreciated.
“Ninety-eighth percentile of evil.” He informed his audience, just in case they hadn’t heard the news. “Not counting the margin of error.”
Esmeralda focused on Trevelyan and only Trevelyan. The Walrus’ blubbery skin went pale. Two of the playing card guards took off running.
See?Thatwas more like it.
Trevelyan gracefully rose to his feet, hoping he wouldn’t faint from fatigue and ruin the moment. Using even that small bit of power had left him completely drained.
“Why did you do that?” Esmeralda whispered in something like wonder.
“I don’t like other people touching my belongings.”
For once, the witch didn’t seem to have a ready answer.
“Now, explain why these men want to behead you.” He continued pleasantly. “I can think ofmanycompelling reasons, but I’m a bit curious as to which one they’ve settled on.”
That jolted her out of her daze. “Because they’re kidnapping assholes, that’s why!”
“Whyelse? Something about that tiara, I believe.”
The Walrus swallowed so loudly Trevelyan could hear his throat clicking from across the room. “The crown belongs to the rightful Queen of Hearts.” He got out, edging towards the door. “Alice has been wearing it ever since some Cheshire Cat killed the last queen, but she was just a placeholder. It was never reallyhers.”
“And why isn’t Alice-the-placeholder wearing it, now?”
“Because the witch turned her into a log.”
Trevelyan’s eyebrows soared. “A log?” His gaze flicked to Esmeralda. “DearGod, darling…” It was a heartfelt lament for the sad state of her imagination.
Crimson eyes narrowed. “Well, I didn’t know any good bone-removing spells.” She snapped. “So I had to make do with way less theatrics.”
He’d fought legions of knights with fewer balls than this woman.
The Walrus nervously gauged Trevelyan’s expression. “We have to get Alice back into her body and the crown back from the witch.Quickly.”
“Technically, Alice’s energy is stillinher body.” Esmeralda interjected in a mulish tone. “It’s just her body is a log.”
A log.
Trevelyan sighed in exasperation. “Esmeralda, give the damn Walrus back the tiara, so we can get on with this mess.” He would buy her another crown, if she wanted one so badly. Or steal one. Or create one with magic. Whichever was easier. Frozen-hells, his head (and foot) hurt too much for this nonsense.
“I can’t give it back, genius. Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s stuck.”
“Stuck?” Trevelyan stalked over to try and remove it himself, because he never trusted anyone else’s opinion or word. You could only believe what you experienced for yourself. Sure enough, though, the diamond tiara was firmly affixed to her curly head.
“Told ya so.” She batted his hand away from her hair. “Quit it.”
Trevelyan stepped back, frowning slightly. He wasn’t sure what sort of magic was at work in the crown, but it was strong. He met Esmeralda’s eyes for a beat, wondering what an ordinary witch could’ve done to trigger such a powerful enchantment.
She stared back, sweet and defiant.
“You see?” The Walrus interjected in a more hopeful tone. “We need to decapitate her. It’s the only way.” He nodded at Trevelyan, sure that he’d just convinced him. “You see, right?”
“Beheading my True Love might remove the crown.” Trevelyan allowed. “But it would also leave her without a head.Granted, she doesn’t seem to use her brain for much, but her face is one of her best features.”
“Aw gee, do you really think I’m pretty, Trev?”
