Page 7 of Happily Ever Witch
Esmeralda had forgotten about her new fortune in diamonds. It sat on her head, but she couldn’t really feel it. She imagined it was enchanted to be weightless or something. The crown was blinged out like a disco ball, with a massive ruby heart right in the center. The look really worked for her.
She reached up to pat her wild hair and grinned. “Spoils of war. It looks great on me, right?” Esmeralda had a soft spot for sparklies and a moral compass that assured her that stealing them was A-Okay.
The Walrus turned to the playing cards. “Did you try totakeit from her?” He demanded coldly. “Or do you want to aid this rebellion?”
The two guards exchanged a look. “Yes, sir, we did try to confiscate it, as you ordered.” One of them finally mumbled. “But, it wouldn’t come off.”
That was true, but explainable. “The crown just got caught in my hair or something. It’s totally the humidity.”
They weren’t even listening to her. For whatever reason, this seemed like it was going to be a whole big thing. The guards were cowering from the Walrus and he was trying hard not to rip them into pieces. Even with the lamp in her face, she could see this situation was deteriorating fast.
Esmeralda tried a different tactic. “Hey, if a little jewel theft is all that’s standing between me and freedom, I’ll just cut off some tanglier curls and pry the crown loose.” As much as she liked the tiara, she was more than ready to leave this neon sewer of whimsy.
The Walrus acted like he didn’t even hear her, looming over his men. “If the crown won’t leave her head, we’ll take off her whole damn skull. That’s how that smirking cat stole it from the queen before Alice.”
Esmeralda blinked. “Waitwhat?” Holy shit, she was about to be executed over a bad hair day! She surged to her feet. “You can’t just chop off my head!”
“Oh, but Ican.” The Walrus turned to face her and she heard the certainty in his voice. “As soon as you give us what we need, we’ll have no further use for you and I can do whatever I want. Who the hell is even going to miss you?”
“Lots of people!” Well, at least five. Esmeralda could hear her heart pounding in her ears. She struggled to find some scrap of magic inside of her. “I have a family.”
She’d met Marrok, Scarlett, Avenant, Benji and Drusilla in the WUB Club. They’d been stuck together for group therapy sessions. Somewhere between yelling at each other nonstop, breaking out of jail, and overthrowing Cinderella, the six of them had become a family.
“The Tuesday share circle sticks together.” She warned the Walrus, because it was a fact. “Believe me, you donotwant to piss them off.”
The Walrus didn’t look impressed with the threat. “You belong tono one. No one cares enough to rescue a witch.”
A spark of anger flashed to life inside of Esmeralda, eating through the fear. “Well luckily, we’re damn good at rescuing ourselves.”
That would have been an amazingly Badass thing to say, right before she blasted them all with her powers. Stuff oflegends. Esmeralda could actually imagine herself repeating the words to Scarlett, once she was back home and they were laughing about this mess over cosmos and cheesecake.
Witches cast their best magic using their hands. She lifted her palms, giving the frog spell another go andreallyconcentrating on getting it right this time. Putting all her effort into it. …And absolutely nothing happened.
The jackasses just stood there, staring at her like she was crazy.
Esmeralda lowered her hands and blew the bangs from her eyes in agitation. “Crap. In my head, that was going to besuperimpressive.”
The playing cards grabbed her and hustled her from the room. Their flat fingers dug into her delicate skin. “Shall we take her to the dungeon, sir?” One of them asked the Walrus, as they half-carried her down the twisting hallway. All the walls were painted in alternating red and pink hearts. What sort of psychos decorated with alternating red and pink hearts?
“No, not the dungeon.” The Walrus shook his head. “To the White Rabbit’s lab. Let’s get this over with.”
“Lab?” That sounded even worse than the dungeon option. “Um…. Let’s talk about this idea, because it’s aterribleidea. Whatever it is you want, I’m sure we can work it out without labs and decapitations.”
“Dark Science is always conducted in a lab.” The Walrus told her, like it was obvious.
“What’s Dark Science?”
“What the White Rabbit used to bring you to Wonderland.” He made a face. “Believe me, if there was anotherway, we would have gone with it. I knew you were going to be a pain in the ass.”
Esmeralda’s boots skidded on the ground, trying to find traction as the playing card guards propelled her through an unmarked door. They dumped her on the spotless floor, quickly stepping back like they were afraid of whatever lurked in the bright white space.
“What is going on?” A chirpy, hoppity male voice exclaimed. “It isn’t time for her yet, Walrus. It’s only Tuesday.”
Esmeralda raised her head to look at the man talking… and yeah. He was a white rabbit. A bunny in a bowtie was beaming at her with buck-teeth and soulless pink eyes.
For real, Wonder-blandsucked.
“We’re supposed to wait for the Queen of Clubs to arrive, before we wake him up. She gave orders.” The Rabbit continued fretfully, gesturing to a calendar featuring topless mermaids pinned to the wall. “She won’t be here until Monday.”
