Page 72 of Happily Ever Witch
“I havenoidea what Maryanna sees in old Hatty.” William continued, heedless of his life winding down. “My own late wife was the very apple of my eye. But if she embarrassed me socially, I would have divorced her on the spot! And she would have done the same, for me.” He nodded righteously. “Standards aresoimportant in any marriage.”
Trevelyan and Esmeralda stared at him.
William’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “Maryanna positivelydoteson her maladjusted husband, though. Bad folk always take the whole ‘True Love’ bitfartoo literally, don’t you think?”
“No.” Trevelyan and Esmeralda said together.
William didn’t seem to hear them. “Maryanna could do so much better. Hatty uses some off-brand pocket watch to stop time, instead of investing in a noteworthy model. And heeats the most disgusting things you can imagine! Goodness, for example. Sucks it right out of people. And he slathers mustard on absolutely everything!”
This hatter ate Goodness? How?Why? It probably tasted revolting. Well, Esmeralda’s would surely be delicious, but…
Her muttered curse cut off his culinary contemplations. “Wonderful.” Another accusatory glance at poor Trevelyan, who’d really done nothing at all to deserve the blame. “Now, we’ve got some asshole in a purple hat, who eats Goodness and controls time.”
“All hatters control time to some extent, darling. It’s all they really have to fall back on, magic-wise.”
“And it’s plenty!”
“And don’t even get me started on the daughter.” William jeered, caught up in the Club Kingdom’s soap opera. “They say she has amnesia, but I’m here to tell you she wasalwaysa bit off. The poisoned apple doesn’t roll far from the tree.”
Trevelyan frowned slightly. Amnesia?
“Speaking of food,” the lizard picked up one of the cookies --Trevelyan’scookies-- and took a large bite, in what had to be deliberate provocation, “when’s tea?”
Trevelyan’s eyes narrowed, his heroic patience evaporating.
Dragons… didn’t… share.
Why the hell was that so hard for other people to understand? Trevelyan was a shit-ton of joy to be around, so long as you didn’t cross him. Why did everyone always want tocross him? Invade his territory? Challenge his authority? Steal his motherfucking cookies?
Esmeralda groaned, knowing William’s end was nigh. “Trev,don’t. I can make more ginger-mutants…”
“And those will belong to me, too.” He interrupted righteously. It was obvious!
Esmeralda didn’t think so. She existed just to vex him. “How do you figure they’re yours, whenI’mthe one who baked them?”
“Whenever my mate cooks something, it’smine.” He spelled out. “I don’t have to give away a single cookie to some interloper. Every male on the planet would agree with me on that rule, Ez. It’s a universal law.”
(Unless your honorary-sister just happened to bake red velvet cupcakes and you just happened to eat them all. Then, her whiny gargoyle husband was simply being petty for objecting.)
Esmeralda scoffed at Trevelyan’s very logical and nuanced explanation. “I hate rules. Especially the borderline sexist ones. Since when do you care about them, so much?”
“Since they’remy goddamn cookiesbeing stolen!” He’d rarely been so pissed off.
“I say… the hospitality in this kingdom is sadly lacking, under you two.” William tut-tut-ed. “Why, Alice would have offered me oolong and wabeberry tarts long ago.” He paused. “I take lemon and one sugar in my tea. Hop to it.”
Esmeralda squeezed her eyes shut, as their uninvited guest drove the final nail into his coffin. “It hasn’t been three minutes.” She tried a little hopelessly.
“Close enough.” Trevelyan took a step forward.
It was time for William to go.
Rather than run for his reptilian life, William frowned like he was going to ask for the manager. “What did you say your name was again?”
“Trevelyan, Last of the Green Dragons.”
William’s eyes widened. The echoes of Trevelyan’s endless crimes must have carried into Wonderland. His skin paled in horror, as he suddenly realized who he was facing.
Trevelyan’s mouth curved.
