Page 109 of Happily Ever Witch
“I told you, I don’t play chess.” The Mad Hatter seemed to measure out the sixty-four squares of the chessboard with hishands. He moved his palms every-which-way and puzzled about something. “Strange that the other side is red. And Hearts’ colors are pink and…”
The Queen of Clubs kept complaining, drowning him out. “You always do this. You always change the subject. Meanwhile, I’ve been doing research on witches’ biology and it’s very triggering to me. Do you have any idea how easily they can make reproductive choices? While I had to workso hardto become a mother…” She trailed off like it was all too much to talk about.
“The struggle just made you more determined to be the best mom in the world.” The Mad Hatter assured her, his attention drawn by her unhappiness. He pulled his creepy eyes from the window and lost whatever train of thought he’d been trying to board. “And youarethe best.”
“You say that but no one appreciates me.” She swept an all-encompassing palm around the table. “Not one of you understands all the work I do around here to keep this family happy.”
Bluebeard did his best to look grateful for her sacrifices. He wasn’t currently being blamed or beheaded, and he planned to keep it that way.
Marrok seemed riveted by the argument raging. His gaze went back and forth between his new in-laws, like he was memorizing details for their family Christmas letter.
Snow White didn’t like the wolf’s distraction. “How come you’re not paying attention to me?” She whined. “You’re my husband. You’re supposed to be paying attention to me.”
Marrok shot her an impatient look.
“Daddy!” Snow White wailed at the Mad Hatter. “Make him pay attention to me!”
“Talk to your mother.” The Mad Hatter suggested.
“See?” The Queen of Clubs exclaimed triumphantly. “Everythingalwaysfalls on a mother’s shoulders.”
The Mad Hatter rolled his spiraling eyes. “Because this boy is your project.” He gestured towards Marrok. “I wanted her to marry William.”
“William? Thelizard?Are you out of your mind?”
“William’s got style. This boy didn’t even want to wear the top hat I found for him. I had to tape it onto his head.” He pointed Marrok’s way, aggrieved over the fashion slight. “I don’t like him.”
The Queen of Clubs didn’t care. “Snow can do better than some social-climbing Tea-Partier. At least the wolf is famous. Having a famous son-in-law can only help our prestige as rulers of Wonderland. And he did break out of that prison, so he must have some hidden brains. And he’s certainly handsome.”
“Sohandsome.” Snow White opined breathlessly.
“And Snow is very fond of him.” The Queen of Clubs finished with a firm nod. “The wolf will do much better for her thanWilliam, for heaven’s sake. Once he’s leashed, everything will be fine.”
Marrok joined the fray, his topaz eyes on Snow Witless’ crown-wearing mama-bear. “Give it up. I’m not Prince Charming. She’s not Cinderella.” He jerked his reluctantly-top-hatted head towards Snow White. “And Bluebeard doesn’t have Trevelyan’s magic. I’mnevergoing to think I’m in love with anyone, except my wife.”
He had a point. Trevelyan was far more powerful than Bluebeard. The dragon had once enspelled Prince Charming to think he shared a True Love bond with the wrong girl. That was impressive. But, Bluebeard’s magic was more hyper-specialized. Marriages were his forte and he could do exceptionally nuanced shit with them.
Bluebeard could convince Marrok that Snow White was his blushing bride. It would just take a little time. It would help if the wolf stopped fighting him.
And if Snow White wasn’t such a frigging weirdo.
And if the Queen of Clubs wasn’t making him so nervous with her cold stare and death threats.
And if the Mad Hatter stopped finger-painting with jam all over the tabletop. Damn it. If they had to switch seats again, Bluebeard was going to end up sitting there, sooner or later, and everything was going to be sticky.
The Queen of Clubs glowered at Marrok. “Do you have children?”
“Not yet.”
“Then you can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be a parent. You can’t understand the lengths we’ll go to, to ensure our children are happy.” Her ruby-red lips were flattened into a thin line of displeasure. “My daughter wasimpaired, because of you and your ugly stepsister of a wife.”
Marrok’s head tilted in a very dangerous way. “My wife isnotugly.”
The Queen of Clubs ignored that opinion. “Snow White will always be likethisnow.” She waved a hand at the girl’s simpering smile. “Did you think you could just walk away afterattacking my family? Altering our future, for your own selfish goals? Why should you get a happily ever after, when Snow White doesn’t?”
“Because she’s a desperate, delusional bitch, who no one sane willeverlove.” Marrok delivered that news with casual brutality. “…Just like her failure of a stepmom.”
Bluebeard cringed a bit at the many layers of insult packed into so few words. His gaze slipped over to the undeniablyinsane Mad Hatter, who was now adding mustard to his tea. Deliberately offending Snow White’s helicopter parents didn’t seem like the best move, but then wolves were never known for making wise choices.
