Page 26 of Happily Ever Witch
Esmeralda dumped out another filing cabinet drawer, rummaging around for some clue on how they could leave Wonder-damned, once and for all. None of the countless makeup receipts or flamingo croquet fantasy league spreadsheets looked particularly helpful in finding an exit.
Trevelyan glanced out the window, towards the plaid, pastel lawn where all the curly-tailed denizens of the castle were presently rooting around for grubs. The hogs had no problems passing through the enchanted barrier. Only Esmeralda and Trevelyan were caged.
“Speaking of cannibalism…” He mused. “Perhaps we should consider cutting our losses and selling our citizens for bacon. I think their upkeep will be a drain on our economy.”
“For the last time, we’re not going to slaughter all the Heart Kingdom’s residents.” She was also pretty certain the spell was permanent, so none of the hogs would be helpful in giving directions. “Just keep looking for a map.”
“This whole misadventure would be easier if any technology functioned.” Trevelyan was ripping books off thefloor-to-ceiling shelves, looking for anything useful. He flipped through an ancient tome entitledIn Search of Monstrous Crowsand then tossed it over his shoulder, moving on to the next volume.
“Wonderland is deliberately screwing us over, every chance it gets.” Esmeralda waved a hand to encompass the whole horrible place. “Itwantsus causing problems, so it can causemoreproblems, sowe’llcause more problems, and so on and so on, so it can thrive. It feeds off the chaos of the inhabitants. That’s how the magic here works.”
“And you’re an expert on Wonderlandhowagain?”
“Travel documentaries.”
He made a distasteful face. “You must lead a very sad life.”
“It’s sure gotten depressing since I met you.”
“I’ve certainly never been bored enough to watch a television show aboutWonderland.”
“Maybe youshouldhave, since you’re the one questioning why the technology is screwed up here.”
“I just think a few computer searches would be extremely helpful, right now.”
Esmeralda couldn’t argue with that. “Or a phone.” She missed her phone like some people would miss an arm. “The damn playing cards took mine when I was arrested. If you find it, tell me. I need to call my family. Like as soon as possible.”
Trevelyan’s head snapped around. “Call Marrok?” He sneered. “I don’tthink so. Possible willnevercome that soon.”
“Pick a direction and fuck off in it, Trev. You don’t need a map for that.” She turned to jab a manicured finger at him. “But me…? I’m goinghome, just as soon as I find the exit. Count on it.”
Green eyes narrowed, but he didn’t argue. Another armful of priceless leather-bound volumes angrily hit the floor in a disorganized heap.
She frowned. “Some of those books could be really old and delicate, you know.”
“So?”
Fair point.
They worked in silence for a few moments.
“What is Dark Science?” She asked, holding up a bunch of incomprehensible reports. “The White Rabbit was talking about it earlier and Alice has a whole file full of graphs about it.”
“Manufactured magic.” Trevelyan sounded disgusted, which put them on the same page for once. “Unnatural spells, bought and sold by unmagical idiots who have no idea what they’re doing. Camelot was screwing around with it a few years back.”
Esmeralda winced. That was a terrible, terrible idea. “Well, I think that’s how the White Rabbit got us both to Wonderland.” She tossed the folder aside, feeling tainted just from holding it. Abandoning the filing cabinet, she headed over to search Alice’s red lacquer desk. “It’s your fault I’m even here in the first place, you know. They ripped me out of the Northlands, so I could wake up your sleeping ass.”
“I didn’t ask them to bring me to this cesspit. I’m evil, not stupid.” Trevelyan gave up on searching the bookcase in favorof fixing himself a drink from the full bar Alice had set up in the corner. “Given the choice, I may have preferred a mystical coma, rather than visiting this dismal land.”
Esmeralda rolled her eyes.
Trevelyan poured liquor into a heart-shaped glass. “To be honest, though, I can’t imagine thatyouhave anywhere else to be. The Four Kingdoms isn’t much better than here. Is reuniting with Marrok and his do-Gooders you’re only reason for wanting to get back? Or have you exchanged heartfelt promises with some starry-eyed guitar player, who you’re longing to see again?”
“Is that your way of asking if I have a boyfriend?”
“It’s my way of telling you… youdon’thave a boyfriend. If you had one before, he’s history now.” Trevelyan waded through the mess of books on the floor and sprawled in a heart-shaped chair, arrogance personified. “I’d be happy to break the sad news to him myself, if you’d like.”
“You’re such a dick.”
