Page 29 of Happily Ever Witch
“Oh, shut up, Trev.” Esmeralda smoothed a hand over the curled paper, holding down the edge. “Alright, so we’re here.” She gestured to the bottom left corner of the map. “Heart Kingdom.” She read off the short description of the place, printed under the name. “Perpetual spring rains, in this verdant and welcoming garden.” She wrinkled her nose. “They misspelled ‘reigns.’”
“Also, the armed guards didn’t make me feel welcomed in the slightest.”
“I don’t see a way out of Wonderland in this region. At least, none that are marked.” She cleared her throat. “So… then north of us is the Diamond Kingdom.”
Trevelyan leaned forward to read the description of that land. Rather than step around her, he stood directly behind her. His arms came down on either side of her body. “Summertime is a beachy ball in the sandy kingdom by the lakeshore.”
“That sounds horrible.” Esmeralda shuddered with great feeling, studiously ignoring the heat of his body at her back. “Let’s not go there. Lakes and witches don’t mix.”
“Are these lands seasonally themed?” Trevelyan asked, almost to himself. His finger traced to the right. “The Kingdom of Spades: A mountainous region, with colorful falls foliage abounding.” He squinted. “What the frozen-hells does that mean?”
“Leaves fall in the autumn?” Esmeralda guessed. “And you fall off mountains?”
Trevelyan heaved a “God help me” sigh. “Just when you think Wonderland can’t be any more irritating, it begins making puns.”
Esmeralda couldn’t suppress her amused snort in time. Shit. That was actually a little bit funny. He shouldn’t get to be funny. It wasn’t fair.
Trevelyan glanced towards her in surprise, realizing that he’d just made her laugh. Green eyes gleamed, as if he was pleased.
Esmeralda ignored him and refocused on the map. This would be a hell of a lot easier if the guy just stuck to being unlikable. “Right.” She pointed to the top right of the map. “Last but not least, the Kingdom of Clubs: Icy snow here.” She paused, translating that from “idiot” to “normal person.” “Iseesnow here.”
“We should find whoever wrote this map and kill them.” He intoned darkly.
“Agreed.”
“Dragons hate cold, you know. I’m not going through the Club Kingdom, unless there’s no other option.”
Esmeralda frowned, thinking. “Hang on. The Walrus was whining about someone named the Queen of Clubs wanting you awake. He seemed pissing-himself-scared of her. So did the Rabbit.”
“I approve of her already.”
Esmeralda turned to look up at him over her shoulder. “I think they said she considers us her enemies.”
“Well, never mind about approving of her, then.” Trevelyan shrugged dismissively. “But, if she hates me, why wouldn’t she leave me entombed in my own body, sleeping forever under that spell? Why bring you here to wake me up?”
“Maybe she’s an ex-girlfriend, out for a more visceral revenge. If she is, I’msureI’m on her side. Just saying.”
Trevelyan’s head tilted, like he was weighing everything in his maniacally wicked mind. “I’ve never had a ‘girlfriend,’ in my life.” He said absently. “I just sleep with women until I get bored. And I always get bored quickly.”
Esmeralda made a disgusted sound and shoved him back, so she could wiggle out from between his body and the desk.
Trevelyan obediently stepped away to let her escape his clutches. Maybe he was learning.Maybe. “The Walrus said they needed my magic. To help the Queen of Clubs, I suppose. That’s her scheme.”
“Help her do what?”
“I have no idea. And I have no intention of lending a hand,since we’re enemies.”
“Shethinks you’re enemies. You don’t even know her.”
“I’m willing to take her word for it.” Trevelyan didn’t look worried about having yet another person who wanted him dead. “When is the woman coming here?”
“Monday.”
“What’s today?”
“Tuesday, according to the weird calendar downstairs. All the dates on it are clumped together in twos and threes, though. I’m not sure how accurate it is. Next week has an eighthday added, with a little crown drawn on it. It must be important, because it’s all circled in stars.”
“Everything here is sodramatic,” lamented the dragon who liked to remove people’s bones and walk around naked. “Alright. So, we have approximately a week, before…”
