Page 66 of Happily Ever Witch
“I don’t remember that.” Haigha complained.
“Exactly.”
Men were openly sobbing, now. Growing more and more terrified about the monster they were about to face, as the photographic evidence of Trevelyan’s cruelty mounted. It was an understandable reaction, but also noisy.
Florian sighed in annoyance and looked out the window, while the knights got control of themselves. Outside, he could see the Queen of Clubs’ famous white roses. He’d heard of them, of course. They were cultivated by the palace’s gardener, a pigeon named Pat. The precious blooms couldn’t survive on the frigid water from the palace wells, so Pat fed them with fresh, warm blood, instead. Carnivorous horticulture was his specialty.
Florian wasn’t sure how Pat got the blood, but he very much doubted the people sacrificed to the plants volunteered for the job. They were probably dragged into the flower beds kicking and screaming. The Club Kingdom was known for having the most unpleasant people in all of Wonderland, though, so losing a few wasn’t much of a tragedy.
And the roseswerelovely.
“Shut up!” Haigha bellowed at the weeping knights. He shoved his way to center stage. “Forget this shit.” He waved a disparaging hand at the presentation screen. “Nothing in the past matters, becausenowwe’re going to make Trevelyan pay!”
Frightened soldiers blinked up at him, willing to listen to any scrap of hope he offered. Wanting to hear how they might survive the week. They probablywouldn’tsurvive it, of course, but fools often desired pretty lies over ugly truths.
“You don’t need this damn slideshow.” Haigha told them, his voice filled with conviction. “You’re men! Knights! You know how to fight and win!”
Heads began bobbing in agreement.
“Theydoneed to listen to my slideshow.” Florian argued, because adequate preparation always had an observable impacton results. “It’s important that we review Trevelyan’s strengths and weaknesses, so the knights are able to…”
Haigha cut him off. “They out number himfour thousand to one! You said so yourself. Not even Trevelyan can defeat four thousand knights. Especially not whenI’mthere to help bring him down.”
Haigha’s confidence had a rousing effect on the men. They began to exchange smiles and nods with each other.
“We need to be out in the field!” Haigha decided. “Not stuck in some fucking classroom, learning ancient history.”
The soldiers cheered, thrilled to not have to look at more crime scene photos.
Florian knew it would be impossible to stop his cousin/nephew/cousin. Still, he had to try. Otherwise, he’d never hear the end of it at family dinners. “We’ve only just gotten started on my presentation. If you wait a couple hours before you begin pummeling each other, you might learn some techniques to help you fight Trevelyan more effectively.”
“Cannons seem like they’ll be plenty effective to me.” Haigha scoffed. “We’ve got those, don’t we?”
“Yes.Hundreds of them.But…”
“Let’s go, men!” Haigha hopped off the stage. “We’ve got weapons to assemble.”
The Club Kingdom’s knights marched towards the exits, heads held high, and filled with renewed bravado.
Puffed up with self-importance, Haigha moved to follow them. He loved it when he was the one in charge. He had dreams of being the most famous dragon in the world. Theywould never come true, but he clung to his delusions like a Wolfball player who’d never been quite good enough to make the big leagues. The idea of defeating Trevelyan in epic battle was irresistible to his caveman brain.
“Haigha,” Florian called, giving logic one last chance, “I’m leaving Wonderland, right now. If you don’t come with me, you’re fired. I have no intention of being here, when Trevelyan realizes what’s happening. He might not have all his powers, but he’s still the very best at being Bad.”
“Not for long. SoonI’llbe the best.” Haigha kept walking. “Go back to your library, Florian. When I bring back the head of the Green Dragon, I don’t want to have to share any credit with a pussy like you.”
Florian watched him leave, with a resigned shake of his head. Now, he was going to need a new assistant. And the Club Queen wouldnotbe giving him a glowing recommendation. And Christmas at his grandparents was sure to be awkward as hell.
This is what he got for hiring a relative.
Chapter Fourteen
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