Page 113 of My UnTrue Love
“He ranted at me for forty minutes last night about what a dirty liar you are and how you’re out to ruin his life. I got an earful about his recent misfortune. As much as I dislike the man, Idosee a certain pattern developing.”
“Johnny being a fuckwit?”
“That too. But it occurs to me that since he fired Clementine, Johnny’s luck has taken a turn for the worse. He’s lost his muse, his gig at The Kitchen, his manager, his bass-banjo player, his reputation, half his fan base…”
“John brought all of that about himself, when he acted like a fuckwit.” Bill diagnosed philosophically.
“Did Johnny advertise his house as a vacation rental for ‘folks who want to live with a big-time music star’? Because he’s suddenly got tourists calling him up at all hours, wanting to book a night in Clem’s old bed. One of them has already moved in.”
“Well, he needs to find himself a roommatesomehow.”
“Did Johnny call his own record label, strongly hinting that their lives would be in mortal peril if Clem didn’t get her fair share of the residuals from the Yellow Roses’ last album?”
“I sure hope he did. Sounds like the right thing to do.”
“Did Johnny forward Susannah Alabama the name of a sexual harassment lawyer who isliterallya shark?”
“I support women, Sheriff. No apology for that.” Bill might not appreciate Susannah’s failure to stick up for Clem, but he was a fair man. He knew who the real villain was. She’d lost her job and now she should sue Johnny’s ass off. It was a win/win situation. “As for the rest, I’ve got no idea why John would blamemefor the consequences of his own actions. Maybe he’s taken to drinkin’.”
“Maybe Johnny’s having a narcissistic collapse.” Hank didn’t seem regretful over Johnny’s diminishing state. “He thought everything the band did was him alone, and Clem had no real part in their success. Now, he’s learning different. He’s gonna blame you for all his delusions crumbling. He’s probably planning to confront you about it.”
“I’m lookin’ forward to that conversation. I’m holding a bit of a grudge, myself. My mate cried, when he forced her outof her own band.” Bill’s jaw flexed at the memory. “John’s luck can get a lot more calamitous.”
Hank made a “hmmmm” sound. “Just so you know, if Johnny mysteriously disappears, you’ll be the first person I question.”
“Why would I be the prime suspect? Any number of folks have noticed that he’s a very killable fella.”
“But you’re the most dangerous of them. I took one look at you and I knew you were a crafty son of a bitch, who doesn’t play well with others. I’m downright shocked that Johnny has lived this long.”
“Clem still has a bit of fondness for him.” Bill allowed. “Although thankfully that seems to be dwindling, as Johnny’s true character is uncovered. It’s tragic how fame can change a man.”
“Like I said the other night: Johnny’s exactly the same. Only difference is now you’re pulling his strings like a puppet and making him dance. Showin’ Clem who he really is, just for shits and giggles.”
“That’s just not so.” Bill denied and meant it. “If I did anything underhanded to John, --even in a quiet, indirect kinda way-- I’d have a mighty Good reason for doing it. Like maybe he had something I wanted. …A lot.”
Hank snorted. “I hope to Christ that no coyote ever targets my happily ever after, because you’re effective bastards, I’ll give you that. You show up and work your wily wiles. Soon, Johnny’s set himself on the road to ruin and you’ve got an adoring new bride. It’s like a morality tale told in reverse.”
“Sheriff, we’re just gonnahaveto spend more time together, because I feel like you have a totally wrong impression of me. I’m not a bad guy, a’tall.”
“Except youare. You were born Bad and Johnny was born Good. And you’re both jackasses.” Hank paused. “For some inexplicable reason, I like you more than him, though.”
Bill smiled, genuinely pleased. “Thank you, Hank.”
“Yeah, well, at least you’re an interesting jackass.” Hank grumbled. “And I respect your obsessive dedication to stealing my sister. At least I know she’s got plenty of attention. And Clem seems to be basically stalking you, in return. Every other word she says is your name. And Johnny’s always been a useless shit.” He sighed. “So, if I’ve gotta pick one of you jackasses for a brother-in-law, I’ll settle for you. …I guess.”
Bill ignored that resigned tone and focused on the convivial sentiment. “That’s more like it! Why, we’re bonding already. Just wait until we really get to know each other at my bachelor party.”
“You’re having a bachelor party? When?”
“Well, that’s up to you, ain’t it?You’llbe the one throwin’ it for me, considering we’re family. I’m expecting a real memorable shindig.”
“Oh, for God’s sake…”
“Best skip on any strippers, when you plan it.” Bill cautioned. “Clem says ‘no’ to them.” They’d only be pale imitations of his shapely va-va-voom vixen anyhow. “Maybe just rent out a nice, tasteful place and invite some nice, tasteful friends.”
“Do youhaveany friends, tasteful or otherwise?”
“I figure you can hire me some. Probably should hire some for you, too. I’m guessing neither of us are swimming in pals.” Bill shrugged. There was a small sting in his back, where Clem’s nails had dug in. He relished that. “It’s why you and me get along so great, Sheriff. People with our winning personalities gotta stick together.”
