Page 135 of My UnTrue Love
“You really want me to lose a sixth job this week, darlin’?”
“Yes, unless Buffalo Roam is paying you to play guitar.”
“The ranch isreliable. Not like a job my pa woulda had.” Bill was getting more agitated. He looked over at Luke, as if his brother would back him up. “Right?”
“That’s for damn sure.” Luke scoffed. “Pa never held a job in his life. That loser’s still clinging to the delusion that he can be a music star.”
Bill made a “There, you see?” hand gesture at Clementine.
Clem frowned at Luke.
The boy glanced at her face, saw she was unhappy with his response, and instantly backtracked. “But you’re more talented than Pa, Bill. That makes a difference.”
Clem shot Bill a triumphant grin. “Exactly!”
Luke puffed up, pleased that he’d won her approval. The kid was so whipped. It was pitiful. Farcical. Stupid. This whole situation wasstupid.
And Johnny was a creative genius. He wouldn’t allow it to happen.
Bill made an exasperated sound. “I want to be a Good husband. I can’t pay our bills without a steady paycheck. This ranch job is safe. It’s smart. It’s…”
Clem cut him off. “It’s hiding.” She declared firmly. “It’s hiding your talent, so you don’t have to take a risk on it. So you never have to be vulnerable. You know this is a huge break for you and it’s freaking you out.”
Bill winced, as if she was right but he didn’t want to admit it.
“You’re afraid to give music your all.” Clem pressed, her assertiveness dialed up to eleven. “Because you’d be admitting you need it.”
“I don’t need music.” Bill shook his head. “I don’t need anything, except…” He stopped short and scrubbed a hand through his hair.
Clem stepped closer to him, like she knew what he’d been about to say. “I’m not going anywhere, regardless.” She promised. “Half the reason you married me is to help with your career, though.”
“No.” Bill’s tone was flat and definite. “Noneof the reason I married you was to help with my career. That hasnothingto do with our relationship. Nothing at all.”
Clem blinked in surprise. “Well, it does if you’re using me as an excuse not to go after your dreams.” She declared, unwilling to be distracted from her harangue. (All women were nags. It never failed.) “Do you want to play guitar for a living, Bill? Yes or no? I will support you either way, but you need to choose. Choice is the most important thing in the world. It’s what keeps you free. Is music your choice?”
“I have to make sure we have enough fucking money to buy food and medicine and…”
“That’s not what I asked.” Clem interrupted. “Iam your manager. Trust me to handle the finances. Deep down, is playing guitar what youwant?”
His eyes found hers.
Her brows rose in gentle question.
He gave a jerky nod. “Yes.” He whispered, like he’d just bet big on a longshot.
“Then as your manager, I strongly advise you to go onHome on the Range. It will change your whole career. When people hear you play, you will makeallthe fucking money.”
He snorted in reluctant amusement at her cursing. “What if Idon’tmake all the fucking money, though?”
“Then, you’ll find another regular, boring job on Friday. You’re really good at that. But you’re evenbetterat playing guitar.” Clem smiled, reaching up to lay a palm on his chest. “It’s okay to need music. Whether you’re famous or not, it’s not going to leave you. It’s a part of you. Just like I am.”
Bill leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers.
“You should listen to your manager.” Luke decided. “I heard you playing at the Lone Prairie. Clem’s right. You’re supposed to be a star.”
“In order to be the kind of musician she wants me to be, I gotta…” Bill took a deep breath, starting over. “It’s a struggle for me to be…”
“Vulnerable?” Clem suggested when he seemed to be searching for the right word.
