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“Fuck.” He whispered thickly. “You are so beautiful.”

“You really think so?”

He gave her an incredulous look. “It’s empirical fact that you are the most beautiful woman in the known universe.”

Sadie stared at him.

Xane stared back.

“Maybe.” She finally decided.

He shook his head. “Again, there can be nopossibledissenting opinionon your beauty. It is obvious to all.”

“No, I mean….Maybeon this planet, according to the customs, you’re my husband.”

Xane froze, as if he knew that was a tiny bit of capitulation from her. “Definitelyyour husband.” He corrected, but he didn’t sound annoyed. He sounded excited.

She looked back towards the tree, unwilling to bend any further. If you gave the alien an inch, he took a mile. “Maybe.”

Chapter Nine

Better watch out,

Better not cry,

He looks like an Easter chick and not a Christmas guy,

Vipri Claus is coming to town!

From “Vipri Claus is Coming to Town”

A Christmas Carol for Non-Earthlings by Sadie Malone

“Capturing me will do you no good!” The Vipri grandly proclaimed. “I am Lord C’don. My people are the greatest and most learned race in the universe. We would never lower ourselves to serve a Rtaharion and a… a…” he frowned at Sadie, his beak somehow turning down at the corners, “creature.” He gave a lofty sniff through his weird nostrils. “I’d sooner die.”

The little guy was kind of a jerk.

Xane grunted, clearly not very worried about the possibility of Lord C’don choosing death. “That’s acceptable to me.”

December 25th, they’d woken up to the Vipri shouting curses. It was an unusual, but very welcomed Christmas present. Their pilot had regained consciousness. Thank you, Santa! Unfortunately, he wasn’t happy about the cage, and Xane refused to let him out.

To be fair, Sadie wasn’t arguing with that calltoomuch, because if Lord C’don took off running, she wasn’t sure how she’d stop him. He only reached her waist and was covered in yellow down, but he looked fast. She needed the aristocratic duckling to talk to her.

She spared her maybe-husband a look. “Don’t kill him, yet. He’s going to join forces with us.” She tried to sound more confident than she felt. She glanced back at their… guest. “Do you know how to fly this spaceship, by any chance?”

He gave a dismissive snort. “Of course.”

“Great! We happen to be hiring pilots, and you just got the job.”

“Why would I want to work for you?”

“Because I’ll beat you to death, if you refuse.” Xane intoned.

“Also, we’re your best way off this planet.” Sadie told Lord C’don, going for more carrot and less stick. “You’ve got flying skills, and we’ve got a ship. See how we can help each other?”

The yellow fuzzball’s black eyes darted back and forth between Sadie and Xane, clearly not convinced. “This is a Class H-77 Cruiser. It takes two pilots to fly. Even a Rtaharion should know that.”

Xane didn’t dispute it, which probably meant it was true. He loved to dispute everything. It was the “default grouchy” thing.