Page 18 of Knight of Havoc
“You love her,” she said stating the obvious.
“Loved. She passed from this world many years ago,” he said, and he saw what he assumed was concern wash over her face.
“Yet you love her still.”
“I suppose I do in many ways. I made a vow the day she died that I would never allow myself to love again.”
A gasp left her lips before a frown formed upon her brow. “You made a vow upon her death years ago?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest as if to give herself support.
“Aye.” What else could he say since she spoke the truth of the matter?
A sound escaped her. “You must have been extremely young then, for you cannot be much older than my score of years.”
He shrugged. “I am three and twenty.”
She shuffled her foot in the dirt underneath her. “’Tis hard to believe that you would hold yourself to such a vow made not only at such a young age but also whilst grief consumed you.”
“Death affects us all differently. Surely you understand given that you are also grieving,” he muttered. What did it matter that he had been young when he had loved and lost Johanna? He had been well old enough to understand the pain that love could bring. What measure of fool would he be to condemn himself to that pain again? Nay, love was not for him. Though he knew he would likely wed one day, he would wed sensibly, for the benefit of his family and his empress. Love would not enter the matter.
“I am grieving for a beloved grandfather, not someone I was in lovewith,and therein lies the difference,” she murmured in what sounded like disbelief before she continued. “But this does not lessen the death of someone you cared for. I am sorry for your loss, Reynard, and hope that you will one day learn to let love into your heart again.”
“You accept my apology?” he inquired, holding out his arm again for them to continue their walk.
Blue eyes turned up to gaze upon him again, and he swore he saw a hint of disappointment in her features before a mask slid down into place. “Aye. I can also assure you that you have no need to fear that I will make another attempt at kissing you, especially knowing you still grieve for your loved one. Besides… my attempt was a complete failure.”
A chuckle left him, causing her chin to lift in anger at what she must have seen as mockery. He hastened to explain. “I was not making fun of you, Elysande, only that your kiss was far from a failure. In fact, you made me forget myself… and the vow I had whilst I held you in my arms.”
“I did?” she asked with wide eyes.
“Aye, you did, and if I am not careful, I might forget myself and kiss you again,” he said with what he hoped sounded like a sincere heart.
She halted their progress when they reached the keep door and she placed her hand over his heart. “Until you are free from the memory of your beloved, there will be no kissing or anything else between us. I will not be a replacement for someone nor be mistaken again for another woman. I deserve more than to be regarded as second to a ghost.”
“I understand,” he said with a slight bow of his head knowing there would not be any further moonlit kisses coming from the lady before him. Unless he wanted a serious relationship with Elysande, he would need to allow her to move on with her life wherever it may take her.
Her smile was weak at best, but she took his arm once more when he opened the portal before them. “In the meantime, let us be friends. There are not many whom I am close to, and one can never have enough friends in their lives, do you not agree?” she declared whilst it appeared as though she forced a smile on her lips.
“Aye… friends,” he choked out wondering how on earth he would remain friends with a woman. Those he came across in his past were only used for the purpose to ease his needs and not for any sort of permanent relationship. They were tavern wenches or those to be found in camp when their tents were set up near a battlefield. Aside from them, the women he had spent the most time with were the brides of his brothers. And whilst they were beautiful, remarkable women, their feelings for Wymar and Theobald had been so readily apparent from early on that he had never truly thought of them as women. To him, nearly from the start, they had been sisters. But Elysande was no sister—not at all.
Making their way inside, he followed her up the turret stairs, down a long drafty passageway, and then halted before her bedchamber door. She patted his arm and put her hand on the handle before pushing the solid wood open.
“Good eve to you, Sir Reynard,” she said quietly returning to a more formal way to address him. He was not sure that he cared for the formality.
“May you sleep well, Lady Elysande,” he replied with a bow.
The door closed and he rested his hand on the wood separating him from the woman who continued to surprise him. His mind flitted through their conversation until he finally turned and walked away.
Friends? With a woman? God’s Bones. He was doomed!
Chapter Fourteen
The sound oflaughter above the minstrels who played in the empress’s great hall filled the room. Knights and their ladies danced to a merry tune and wine and food filled the banquet tables as everyone celebrated Christmas day. ’Twas hard to believe that Elysande had resided here at Oxford for almost a month. It seemed like yesterday that she had arrived in the bailey of this castle.
She and Hawke had remained in Winchester after the prisoner exchange went peacefully. She had been thankful that no further bloodshed had occurred between all the parties involved. She also could not have been happier that she would no longer have to lay eyes on King Stephen… the murdering cur! After all, he was the reason why she was here in the first place after his army left her home in shambles.
She had thought she would continue traveling in Reynard’s company, but he had other ideas. He had explained there was no sense in her traipsing back to Bristol to oversee the release of Queen Matilda only to return here to ensure Earl Robert’s heir gained his freedom. Elysande could only wait for his return before they at last began making their way to Oxford.
Word had traveled quickly that Stephen would once again be crowned as King of England. If the empress felt any pangs of displeasure at the news, she kept them well hidden from those who resided with her here at Oxford. Elysande was treated asany other guest who remained loyal to the empress and had not as yet been ordered to attend her. On many accounts she was thankful to be allowed the freedom to see to her own daily schedule as she desired instead of having to spend every waking hour attending the empress. Whilst this may be considered an honor, Elysande was not entirely sure she would be able to stand such a position.
