Page 32 of Unsubmissive Omega
She also knew I would not have willingly admitted to this if I didn’t need some kind of help.
“What do you need from me, Alpha?” Marta asked softly. The fallen tray, the scattered treats, lay forgotten on the wooden floor.
I smiled a weak smile, appreciating her practical approach.
“I need you to dress this wound for me,” I told her, wincing as I indicated the gash in my side. “I can’t shift for obvious reasons.”
Marta nodded. “Let’s go to Erebius’ old office where there’s a basin and medical supplies. I know he used to keep some things there.”
She led the way down the corridor. It was unusual for her to precede me but when another pack member stepped into the corridor ahead of us, and she adjusted her position moving slightly to the side, I realized what she was doing. She kept herself between the beta’s eyes and my wound, shielding me from pack gossip. I appreciated the gesture, however futile. She didn’t know I’d already fought three challenges before this one, so rumors were bound to be circulating through the pack already.
The beta bobbed his head respectfully and went on his way with barely a hitch in his stride, and Marta and I hurried the last few feet to the office.
When she flung open the door, I knew I’d made a mistake. The fold-out couch was, well, folded out, with the bedcovers wrinkled and in disarray. It was obvious someone had been sleeping here and the only person it could have been was me.
Marta bit her lip but said nothing.
“Go and sit over there,” she motioned to the couch-bed, and I obediently went over and sat there. She didn’t see the embarrassed shade of pink that burned in my cheeks becauseshe was already rummaging around in the ensuite. She returned momentarily, a bundle of bandages, gauze and a bottle of something that looked suspiciously like it would sting, in her hands.
She pulled a face as she peeled the torn edge of my shirt aside and I winced.
“I’m sorry, Alpha, but I’m going to have to cut your shirt off,” she announced, a pair of scissors materializing as if out of thin air.
I grunted. “Go ahead. It’s ruined anyway.”
The high-pitched snip as the scissors cut through the fabric was surprisingly soothing in its simple efficiency. And except for one moment when a patch of material had to be eased out of the dried blood, removing the ruined shirt didn’t add to my discomfort.
Marta examined the wound and quickly cleaned it. As predicted, the contents of the bottle stung. I wasn’t sure it was necessary to apply the antiseptic, since when I next shifted any infection would be cleared away, but I didn’t protest. The wound had stopped bleeding but began to ooze again after being cleaned. Marta covered it with a non-stick pad, and applied pressure until it stopped. Then she added a layer of gauze and wrapped an elasticized bandage around my torso with just enough pressure to keep the wound from opening up again, but not enough to cut off any circulation. I felt the slight constriction of my chest as I dragged in a breath, but it was fine.
“There, that should do,” said Marta as she began clearing away the remnants of her supplies, tossing a couple of bloody swabs into the bin. They landed with a dull thud, then she turned her perceptive blue eyes to mine.
“Want to tell me what’s going on, Alpha?”
I sighed. “Not really, but…”
Marta waited patiently as I sorted through my thoughts. She’d always been like a mother to me. If I couldn’t talk to her, who could I talk to?
“Xander doesn’t want anything to do with me and the pack knows it,” I blurted out before I lost my nerve. “It’s making the younger alphas bolder, and where they wouldn’t have thought of trying anything before… well, an alpha who doesn’t have the respect of their mate looks…” my voice trailed away. I didn’t want to say it. Saying it might make it real. I wasn’t weak, I’d proven time and again I could battle anyone that threatened the pack, and I sure as hell could beat the hide of anyone in the pack. But they would weaken me. One by one, fight by fight, I would gradually be worn down, until there was nothing left but for one last, only moderately strong alpha to finish me off. I wondered who that last one would be.
“Is there a reason he doesn’t like you?” Marta’s voice cut through my mental spiraling. When I looked at her, she appeared thoughtful, head tilted, frown deepening.
“Marta,” I said, lowering my voice as much as I could and still have her hear me, “he had no choice about the mating. It’s complicated, but he went along with it because the alternative was worse. It was the best of two bad choices as far as he was concerned.”
“I hardly think a union with a kind and respected Pack Alpha could be considered a bad option,” huffed Marta, indignantly.
My shoulders rose and fell infinitesimally. “It wasn’t what he wanted. I don’t think they even asked his opinion before committing him.”
“And you didn’t know this until…?”
“I… I don’t know,” I sighed. I wondered if she could read the guilt on my face. “I guess I hadsomedoubts and I tried to ask him about it beforehand, but he wouldn’t open up to me and… I guess, I’d already decided I wanted him, so I didn’t push too hard. He didn’t tell me until after we’d mated. He was never going to forgive me after that…”
“So that morning you came and introduced him… you knew?”
“Yes… it was the first thing he told me that morning when we woke up. It was too late to fix the situation by then. He was disgusted by me. I was disgusted by myself. I would never have gone through with it if I’d known. I was just blinded by my own desire.” My chest felt hollow, my shoulders sagging lower than I’d ever thought they could.
“Have you spoken to him about it?” Marta asked, quite reasonably.
“He keeps avoiding me,” I admitted. “There were a couple of times I thought we’d be able to move past it, and then for some reason I can’t figure, he goes all cold and distant again. I can’t figure him out at all!”
