Page 34 of Sloth
“And I love you for it, but I need to do this by myself.” She plants a kiss on my mouth and heads for the door, and as desperate as I am to know where she’s going, I have to let her leave without asking. She’s sensitive right now, and I refuse to set us back.
“Just call me when you get there; let me know you're okay,” I call after her.
“Sure.” She smiles at me over her shoulder before heading out, and I quickly head to the bathroom and check I wasn’t seeing things and the pills are still there.
I see them exactly where they were, and when I head back to her room, I pick up the box that's on her bed. She wasn’t hiding birth control from me when I caught her last night. She lied to me. I look at the wardrobe where the loose floorboard is, then out through the window to check if her car is gone. It’s wrong of me to want to check up on her; I shouldn’t be this paranoid. Everyone's entitled to their privacy, and after all she’s been through, I really should be respecting hers. But the thought of her keeping something from me is driving me insane. I’m disgusted in myself for even thinking of looking under the floorboard as I quickly march toward the door to get back to work, but something stops me from opening it. Something, I fear, holds a likeness in me to my brother. Something that draws me back into the bedroom, and tells me to lift up that loose floorboard, and when I give in to its temptation and reach my hand inside, I’m stunned. Confused, and fuckin’ furious at what I’m holding when I pull it back out.
CHAPTER TWENTY
ERIN
“This is the worst news,” I tell Liza, trying to hold it together.
I never thought I'd be staring at a scan picture of a child that was growing inside me, and feel pain.
“It’s not the worst news, it just makes things a little more complicated.” Liza tries her best to sound upbeat.
“Things were complicated enough.” I get into her car and close my eyes, hoping that when I open them, I’ll be back at home with Luke and all this will have been a nightmare. But when I reopen them, I’m still in Liza’s car and the picture of Matthew’s baby is still in my hand.
“You're gonna love this kid no matter what; it’s built into us. Mother Nature, and all that.” Liza starts her engine and starts heading for home. I know what she says is true…. in most cases. But she’s not carrying the child of a monster; hers may not have been conceived through love, but it wasn’t forced inside her by a man who abused her. How am I ever going to love a child that belongs to him?
“I don’t know how you did all that by yourself. You should have let me come to your appointment with you.” I change the subject when I start feeling sick again.
“It was no big deal.” She shrugs, driving us toward home.
“Well, it was to me, and it meant the world that you were there,” I tell her, grateful that she took the morning off work to come with me for moral support.
“I was so sick this morning, I’m sure it was all from nerves,” I admit, feeling like I could puke again any moment. I can’t keep lying to Luke. I'm gonna have to tell him the truth, and when I do, I know I’m gonna lose him.
“It’ll be fine. Just remember, I’m here for you,” Liza reassures me.
“I feel so selfish, you got problems of your own. I can’t believe we’ve got ourselves into this.” I rest my head back against the seat. “At least we’re in it together, huh?” I roll my head so I’m facing her and manage a smile.
“It’s a welcome distraction,” she tells me with a long, heavy sigh that tells me that the weight on her shoulders is just as heavy as mine.
I expect to find the house empty when I get home, so I’m surprised to hear the shower going. I take a seat at the table and decide to wait for Luke to come out. I can’t lie to him anymore. I can’t pretend that everything's okay when I know all this happiness is going to be pulled away from me. I’m telling him right now, before I have a chance to change my mind.
The first thing I notice when he steps out the bathroom is the state his hands are in, his knuckles are bleeding, and the ball of clothes he’s got under his arm is covered in blood, too.
“Luke, what happened?” I rush over to him, checking him for injury, but other than his torn, open knuckles, there doesn't seem to be any.
“I had a fight with a bull.” He laughs as he looks down at his knuckles and pulls his hands out of mine.
“Where did all this blood come from?” I take the clothes off him.
“Don’t touch those!” he yells, snatching them right back out of my hands and carrying them over to the machine.
“Luke, you need to tell me what happened.”
“You didn’t wanna tell me where you were going earlier; I guess we’re all entitled to our secrets.” He fixes the dial and gets it going, then turns to look at me like he’s waiting on an explanation.
“I think you should sit down.” I start rubbing my temple when I feel my head start spinning.
“I’m good standing.” He folds his arms over his chest, and I try not to cry as I start to explain.
“I found something out yesterday, and today I had it confirmed.” I watch his brow furrow deep as he waits for further explanation.
“I’m…pregnant.” I let the words release and brace myself for his disappointment.
