Page 18 of Sloth
“Erin, it’s what I know. I saw the way you looked at him. Matthew was everything to you.”
“Matthew was a bully.” The words spill from my mouth as I rapidly start unbuttoning my shirt, and after ripping it off my shoulders, I turn around to show him just how bad of a bully his brother was.
“What thefuckis that?” He steps up behind and takes hold of my shoulders, and I close my eyes as he examines the massacre on my back.
“That's a year of happy marriage,” I tell him sarcastically, and when he spins me around so I’m facing him, I see nothing but pure rage staring back at me.
“Are you telling me Matty did that to you?”
“He knew how scared I was of the belt, so it became his favorite punishment,” I explain, watching him try and take in what I’m telling him and feeling awful for being the cause of his pain.
“Punishment for what?” He steps back from me like he suddenly became afraid to touch me.
“Whatever fault in me he could find. Dinner being late, me taking too long in the bathroom. Your brother wasn’t the person you thought he was. And I don’t know what look you thought you were seeing on my face this past year, but the only feeling I had for that man was fear.”
“It can’t be true. Matty adored you. You…you dated him for three years before you married him.”
“And for those three years, things were good. I opened up to him about things I’ve never told anyone, and I thought he understood me, but as soon as we got married, everything changed. It’s like, overnight, I became his property. I saw the real Matthew and Luke, it got real ugly.” I hear the tremble in my own voice and feel that sense of fear creeping up my spine. Like he’s breathing down my neck, hearing my words.
“How did I not know?” He looks mad at himself.
“No one knew. I was the only one who got to see him that way. Matty was good at hiding things, and I quickly got good at it too.”
Luke bites down on his fist as he thinks over everything I just told him.
“I need to get outta here.” He suddenly turns pale and starts backing up toward the door.
“Please, don’t leave. I want us to talk some more,” I beg him.
“I…I can’t hear it. I’m sorry, Erin, but I just can’t.” He turns his back and rushes outside, and I sink into the chair, wishing I’d kept my damn mouth shut.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LUKE
Ibarely make it round the side of the house before I chuck my guts up all over the ground. My body is full of rage; my stomach is still churning, and I can’t get the image of what he’s done to Erin’s back outta my head. She looks as if she’s been mutilated by an animal. Welt after welt leaving their scars on her perfect body, and I swear I wanna unearth my brother and beat his already dead body for it. I rest my palm against the wall, trying to catch my breath. Trying to register everything I’ve just learned about my brother, and I don’t wanna believe any of it’s true.
I close my eyes, and when I see her scared, little face, I realize what a selfish bastard I’m being. Quickly, I pull myself together and head back inside, finding her at the table sobbing with her head resting in her arms.
“Luke.” She lifts her head and looks at me desperately when she hears the door, and I rush straight to her, kneeling by her side and wrapping my arm around her.
“I’m sorry. I freaked out,” I tell her.
“No,I’mthe one who’s sorry. I never wanted to tell you. I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to tell anyone, ever. But I couldn’t have you thinking that I loved that man. I can’t have him be thereason we never—” She fails to finish her sentence, shaking her head, and I stand up and pull her onto her feet.
“Don’t you be sorry. Don’t youeverbe sorry.” I kiss her forehead before holding her head tight to my chest and breathing some calm breaths.
“You won’t tell your parents, will you?” She looks up at me. “I don’t want them to ever find out. They loved Matthew. They don’t deserve the burden of the truth; it would destroy them.”
“It all makes sense now. Is this what you meant the other day when you said you’d never let it happen?” I ask, remembering how confused I was by her comment. “I asked if you were pregnant and you told me you’d never let it happen,” I remind her.
“Yeah.” She nods her answer feebly. “I’d sneak out every three months so I could visit a family planning clinic out of town. I’d get the pills, then hide them at the back of the wardrobe under a loose floorboard,” she admits and breaks my fuckin’ heart. “Matthew was desperate to start a family, but I couldn’t bring a kid into this.” She starts crying again, and although I feel completely helpless, I do my best to comfort her.
“Erin, did Matthew ever…” I can’t bring myself to finish the question.
“I learned to stop crying after the first few months. Me crying never helped; it just made him more angry. So I found a way to switch off my head instead.”
“Jesus Christ.” I feel like I’m gonna be sick again.
