Page 49 of Sloth
“This is all so fucked up.” I’m grateful for everything they did, but it doesn’t protect me from the fact that I’m a killer.
“I have to tell Luke.” I feel that same sick feeling in my gut when I’d thought I’d lose him before, only this time I know I can’t be forgiven.
“No, you can’t tell Luke. He was Matthew’s brother. You can’t fully trust that he won’t want justice.” She shakes her head.
“I can’t be with him and lie about something like this, and Luke knows about the abuse; he knows everything. I believe he’ll understand.”
“You can’t bet everything on the hope that he might understand, Erin. Think of your baby. Do you want to give birth to it in jail?” I can see how scared she is for me, and I shouldn’t doubt Luke after all we’ve been through, but this is a lot to ask him to forgive.
“If you want to be happy, then you take this to your grave,” she warns me.
“Erin?” I look up when I hear Luke’s voice, and he drops the bags he’s carrying to the floor and rushes toward me.
“You're awake! No one fuckin’ called.” His hands touch me all over, like he needs to test he’s not imagining that I’m awake.
“Why didn’t you call?” He looks harshly at Liza.
“I literally just woke up. Don’t be mad.” I cling to him, and when I finally pull away, Liza smiles as she stands up from the chair.
“I’ll leave you guys alone,” she whispers.
“Tell Koben I said thanks,” I call after her, unsure if I’ll ever find a way to thank her for what she’s done for me.
“What the hell have you got to thank him for?” Luke fluffs up my pillow. He smells like home. Not the one I lived in with Matthew, but the one we’ve made our own since he’s been gone, and I want so much to go back there and carry on living our lives.
“Luke, I need to tell you something.” I know what Liza said, and I know telling him the truth puts her and Koben at risk. But I also know Luke, and I have faith that he loves me enough to understand.
“Luke, can you just stop fussing?” I tell him when he starts straightening out the sheet on top of me.
“I’ve been helpless for days.” He takes my hand in his and strokes his thumb over my knuckles
“When I hit my head, some memories came back to me. Memories of the day that Matthew died.” I hear the heartmonitor that's attached to me start to beep faster. “I love you,” I tell him before I potentially ruin everything.
“I love you, too. Always have, always gonna.” He glances down at my hand, and I suddenly notice the bright, shiny diamond that's glistening on my finger.
“I figured since you were in a coma, you couldn’t say no.” He offers me that crooked smile, and it shatters me.
“Luke, I want more than anything to be your wife, but before I say yes, you need to kn–.”
“Darlin’, are you seriously gonna ruin this moment by choosing now to tell me you shot my brother in the head?” He takes my hand and raises it to his lips while I stare at him in shock. “Just say yes,” he whispers.
I touch my other hand to the bandage on my head, wondering how hard I hit it.
“You know? Buthow?How long have you?—?”
“About a month. Baby, you do a lot of talkin’ in your sleep. Now, are you gonna let me show you how it should feel to be someone's wife, or are you gonna break my heart?”
“You're not mad at me?”
“We’ve been over this. What do I have to do to prove that all I want is you?” he laughs at me as if I’m the crazy one.
“Not a damn thing.” I lean in to kiss him, and when he pulls away, I growl because I miss his lips already.
“So is that a yes?” he asks.
“Absolutely.” I drag his lips onto mine and, this time, I don’t let him get away.
