Page 71 of The Change Up
The explanation that Macy just gave me is one I’ve been waiting for. Deep down I knew I wasn’t the initial target, but it didn’t ease the pain. Growing up, I didn’t have friends. I don’t know how to handle these tough situations.
“It’s taken me a minute to realize that you weren’t actually trying to attack me, Macy. I sat and cried on the phone with my dad, but he knew. He knew that you were hurting, and I was the unfortunate punching bag. It didn’t ease the hurt. I knew you were hurting, but you took your pain out on me.”
“I did, and if I could go back, I think I would change it. To be honest, I was such a basket case that I would like to say I wouldn’t act that way again, but the truth of the matter is, I was selfish and hateful with my words.” Macy pauses and stares at me. It’s in her stare that I feel her sincerity. I feel her apology, and it’s where I feel that the words she spoke weren’t said in malice. “At the end of the day, I can’t change the past, but I can fix things. You’re one of my very best friends. I grew up with brothers, but you and Brynn are like the sisters I never had. Please know from the bottom of my heart that I’m sorry. I love you, Chlo.”
The room is blanketed in silence as I work to process everything I’ve heard tonight. I think a part of me has forgiven Macy a long time ago. The distance has done wonders for our relationship. It’s allowed us the time to process and to focus on ourselves. Not to mention our relationships. From what Brynn has told me, Gregg and Macy have progressed at a super fast pace—which never surprised me, those two were bound to end up together.
Brynn is the first to break the silence. “Chinese and romcoms?”
Macy looks at me from the corner of her eyes. She’s waiting for me to make the decision.
“Look, I appreciate you coming over…” Macy’s face falls at my words. “…and I appreciate your apology. Right now, we aren’t the same. Things aren’t just going to go back to how they were before you moved out. But I miss you too. We only have another year left together before who knows where we all end up. Brynn will end up wherever Quinton gets drafted, I’ll probably end up back in Dallas, and you’ll end up wherever the fashion industry takes you.”
“Bitch, please, you’ll go wherever Cody goes,” Brynn chimes in with a smirk.
“Hopefully, New York,” Macy mumbles. Our heads snap in her direction. “I have a fashion design competition, and the winner goes to New York for an internship.”
“Macy, that’s incredible!” I shout, and I really am happy for her. “See this is the point I’m trying to make. We don’t know where our futures are going to take us, and I’d rather focus on making the most of our time together. No more secrets, okay?”
Everyone’s eyes bounce to each other, and we all give a nod. “Macy, you pick the movie. Chloe, you figure out the cocktails. I’ll order Chinese.”
“You know I had no desire to ever be a cheerleader, but there’s just something about watching theseBring It Onmovies that makes me want to fling pompoms in the air.” Brynn points her fork toward the TV whereBring It On: Againis playing.
“I couldn’t agree more.” I nestle into my pillows from my spot on the couch.
“Chloe, I could totally picture you being on the cheer team. You just ooze pep, and all your feminine energy would be perfect for a squad,” Macy says from where she’s lounging on the opposite end of the couch.
“Not popular, remember?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Brynn muses. “Speaking of, how’s hot Daddy Scott?”
I can’t help the gagging noise that flies out of my mouth as I toss a pillow at my bestie. “Oh my god, Brynn!”
She shrugs. “What? He’s hot, and he hasn’t been by in like forever.”
“I miss Scott’s cooking.” Macy practically has drool sliding down her face.
“You guys are pathetic. I actually haven’t had much time to talk to him. We send more texts back and forth, but he’s busy with the restaurants. Did I tell you he’s opening a new one in Arizona?”
“Uhh—no!” Brynn shouts, spinning around from her spot on the floor to face us. “Does that mean we get to go on a trip?”
Her hopeful expression has me breaking out in a wide smile.
“He invited us out for an end-of-the-school-year vacation, but…” My words drift off.
How do I tell them that I haven’t said anything because of Macy?
The idea of going away made me physically ill because my closest friend and I weren’t speaking. I didn’t feel like celebrating when a relationship I held near and dear to my heart felt like it had ended. I knew going away with Brynn would’ve been a great time, but it wouldn’t have been the same. Nothing has been the same without Macy in our house, much less in my life.
As I sit here in our living room, sipping on cocktails, and watching our favorite cheesy 2000s rom coms, I’m beyondhappy. Will I easily forget what caused our fall out? No, but I so don’t think that Macy meant to hurt me. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can’t imagine the emotional tornado she was experiencing, and while it isn’t an excuse, I can understand her pain.
When my mom left, I shut down. I was faced with insurmountable bullying when I was at a pivotal age. Instead of defending myself, I sat alone and let the bullies win. As I got older, I never defended myself. I let people think I was the ‘dirty’ kid who lived in the low-income housing with her crazy dad. Meanwhile, I might not have lived in the nicest place or had a dad with a normal job, but what they didn’t know was how much love our apartment held. It was just the two of us, and we never took each other for granted. Dad created masterpieces for dinner in our tiny apartment. He sang while he cooked, showered me with affection by reading to me every night before bed, and instilled in me the importance of a strong work ethic to achieve what we are passionate about.
I could have let the bullies win, but I never did. Every day I would show up at school with my prettiest dress on and the brightest smile. They could make fun of me all that they wanted, but at the end of the day, I was in control of my emotions.
We all handle our struggles differently. Macy needed to react, and as much as it hurt me to take the brunt of her emotions, after some time, I knew it was just her way of projecting. She was scared and felt like a trapped lion, and I was the zookeeper in her path.
I’m not going to punish her anymore.
