Page 78 of The Change Up
“It’s a lot. If it weren’t for the mandatory study tables, I probably would be way behind on assignments. There’s nothing like being forced to do school work to give you the kick in the ass.”
“Yeah, I bet that helps. I’m honestly thinking about skipping the game tonight. Would you be mad if I missed a game? I know you’re supposed to be pitching tonight.”
Cody moves so that he’s facing me. I watch as he brings his hand to my face, tilting my chin until we are looking at each other. “I will never be mad at you for prioritizing yourself. Just because we are together doesn’t mean you can’t focus on yourself. I’ll always be here, and I always want you around, but not at the expense of losing who you are.”
“Thank you.” My voice is quiet as embarrassment laces my face.
“You don’t have to thank me. I love you, Wildflower. I love everything that makes you, you. Don’t forget to take care of my girl.”
“I love you too.”
Leaning down he gives me a quick kiss. “Great. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, lay down here, make yourself comfortable, and pull out the book you have burning a hole in your bag. Read with me while I watch you.”
My nose scrunches. “Ugh, I didn’t mean for that to come out as creepy as it did. You read, and I’ll rest my eyes.”
That’s exactly what we do for the next hour. When we both separated to go our own way—me to the newsroom and him to the bus—I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear the words that it was okay to prioritize myself. Of course, I know I didn’t need Cody’s approval on how I spend my time, but I know how important it is to have someone cheering for you. If he needs support in the stands, I want to know so I can be there for him. Especially knowing that his dad will text-bomb him leading up to the game.
I’ll never understand how parents can be so cruel to their kids. How can someone fill their kid with negative thoughts?Let alone how can someone just abandon the child they helped create?
I don’t know if kids are in my cards, but if I decide to have kids, I want to make sure they know how much they are loved. How supported they are. How proud I am of them. I want to be their biggest cheerleader. Their shoulder to cry on. I want them to know that they are my reason and that everything I do in life is to better theirs. But that’s a conversation for another day.
The alarm on my phone goes off, pulling me out of the mindless state of studying I’ve found myself in most of the evening. Tipping my head side to side, I welcome the pull of muscles and the small cracks of my neck as I ease some of the tension that has been building from the awkward position I’d been studying in.
Switching off my alarm, I reach for the remote and thumb through the channels until I find the baseball game. As much as I need my attention to be on the textbook in front of me as I prepare for my ethics exam, I want the distraction of the announcers as they call the baseball game. I might not be able to be in the stands, but I can root for the boys here at home.
Settling back onto the couch, I turn back to the textbook in front of me as I continue my reading while listening to the announcers talk. It’s not until I hear Cody’s name that I turn my full attention to the TV. A photo of him from the team picture flashes across the TV as the commentators discuss his stats and his projections for the pros.
Dread seeps into my stomach at the thought of him leaving college early. It’s a selfish feeling and one that I shouldn’t have, but I’m human. And I finally understand the nervous energythat radiates off Brynn when people discuss Quinton’s future. Quinton has already announced he isn’t coming back for his senior year and that he’s entered the NFL draft. She has the answers for what her last year at CTU will look like, and it won’t be with Quinton.
Will Cody choose the same journey?
Earlier today, he said he has a meeting with Coach Weber tomorrow about his future. As excited as I am for the two of us being together, I feel like we jumped straight into the deep end. Since I travel with the team, the two of us spend an obscene amount of time together, but neither one of us has had the harder conversations. Hell, I don’t even know how much he wants to go to the big league. I know he’s talked about it, but sometimes when he talks, it feels like it’s just a requirement for him. Like it’s the next step that he has to take.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I promise myself that the next time the two of us are alone, we need to talk about what’s next. It isn’t me wanting to push the conversation of what’s next in our relationship. I’m in no way ready for engagements or moving in together. I feel like the two of us just stopped hating each other. But what’s next for each of us?
Next year I’ll have to find an internship that could keep me local, or I could see myself finishing my semester remotely depending on where I get the chance to write. If I follow the path to where my dream career could lead me, my options would have me leaving Texas and going to someplace like New York.
Why do all the major corporations have to be in New York or California?
Why can’t there be awesome opportunities in Texas or even the Midwest?
Tossing my textbook on the coffee table, I reach behind me and pull down the throw blanket which is resting on the top of the couch. My brain is too chaotic to focus on the words I’msupposed to be digesting. I’ll just watch a few innings and get back to it.
Some time later, the incessant sound of buzzing on my chest has me fumbling for my phone. At some point during tonight’s game, I must’ve dozed off. Clearly, my eyes had grown tired from the day of studying and worrying my brain found itself in.
Glancing at the screen, I see Cody’s name and a candid picture I took of him at the Union. He’s leaning back in his chair, arms in front of him, a black T-shirt stretched tight across his muscular chest and biceps, and of course, he’s wearing his hat backward. Seeing him in his hat backward sends tingles down my body. My boyfriend is sexy.
Swiping the screen, I accept the call and hit the speaker button.
“He-hello?” My sleep-ridden voice cracks.
“Wildflower?” Cody’s voice is riddled with concern. “Shit, baby. Are you okay?”
“Ye-yeah. I must’ve fallen asleep.”
A deep exhale fills my ears. Leaning up from the awkward position I fell asleep in, I glance at the time on my phone and see that it’s after 11:30. Shit, I must’ve been asleep for a couple of hours. The game started at 7, and I remember watching the first inning. Oh my gosh, was that all I saw?
“I’m just glad you’re okay. I sent you a few texts, and you didn’t respond. I uh-I got a little worried.”
