Page 40 of The Late Hit
My mind goes right back to that hospital room. Seeing my sweet Asher awake, kissing me goodbye, telling me how sorry he was that he couldn’t be there with me. Grace and I had left to go to the funeral while Daniel stayed behind with Asher. No one wanted to leave him alone once he was awake. While Daniel stepped out of the room, my life was forever changed…again.
Wiping my tears, I straighten. Sensing that I need some space, Q slightly slides away, just leaving his hand on my thigh.
“Asher died twenty minutes after we put Bryce in the ground. A blood clot dislodged and traveled to his brain. He was gone instantly. There was nothing anyone could’ve done or prevented it. Within a week, I lost my brother and my boyfriend. My two best friends were gone. Just like that”
“Jesus, Brynn,” Quinton gasps out. Using his free hand, he rubs the back of his neck. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
“Because who would want to spend time with the fucked-up girl?” I throw up my hands, exasperated.
Before I can continue, Quintin is interjecting. “What’d I tell you about calling my best friend fucked up?”
“But Quinton, I am,” I answer. “I’ve been floating through life sleeping around and partying to keep the demons from surfacing.”
“You don’t get to survive alone. I’m here for you, and you have an entire support system at CTU that is here for you, Wilder,” Quinton adds, pausing to get my attention. “It’s time for you to stop running on survival mode and start living. Live for them. Live for the ones who can no longer live. But most importantly, live for yourself. You have a beautiful soul that deserves to thrive. Open yourself up to more, open your heart to love. Because whoever gets the chance to be loved by you, and I mean fully, deeply, loved by you, is the going to be the luckiest son of a bitch.”
Taking a moment, I wipe away the stream of tears that is spilling down my cheek. Looking up at the clear sky, I will the tears away.
“I don’t let a lot of people in. It took me until I met you to even consider having a best friend again.”
“But why?” he asks, still not getting it. “Why not let people see the real you? Why not date and find love again?”
“Don’t you get it? The last two people I loved with all my heart died. Died together. I can’t go through that again or curse someone else.” I whisper that last part.
But he hears it.
Crystal clear.
“You blame yourself, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. It’s my fucking fault. Asher went because I gave him my ticket. If I had gone, I would’ve driven. I was always the driver, the responsible one. By choosing not to go, I sealed their fate.”
“God, Brynn,” he says, and I hear the emotion in his voice. “That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard. It wasn’t your fault. It was your piece of shit cousin who decided to ingest a mixture of pills and then drive. That’s on him. Not you.”
“Just stop. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve accepted it. You deserved the whole story, and that’s the whole story.”
I go to stand up, but before I can, two big, corded arms wrap me up in a hug.
Quinton squeezes me before whispering in my ear, “People deserve to see the real you. I love the real Brynn.” I shake my head against his body. Before I pull away, he murmurs into my hair, “You deserve happiness, Wilder.”
Pulling back, I give him a small smile. I can’t talk about this anymore. I know how I feel about it, and while I appreciate his words, that’s all they are to me. I’ll forever live with the guilt, and that’s something I’ve accepted.
TosayI’minshock over this morning’s events would be the understatement of the year. Jesus, not only is she dealing with the death of her twin brother, but her boyfriend too. And then there’s her cousin. He caused her to lose her closest people, but his death had an impact on her too. Anger courses through me as I think about how he got off easy. He didn’t have to pay for his actions.
Talk about a fucked-up situation. This is the shit you see in movies, notactuallylive it. Fuck, I can’t get the image of her defeated body telling me this story out of my head. Part of me has always wondered why Brynn is as wild as she is, and clearly, she's living to forget the past and the guilt she harbors. I hope she realizes that she deserves more. She deserves to live for herself, her brother, and her high school boyfriend.
She finished telling me the story, wiped her eyes, and then went on like it wasn’t the most tragic story I’d ever heard. Brynn wore her signature smile, her mask back in place, and took us sightseeing for an hour. Leaf peeping through the park, watching a few boats on Lake Michigan, and a selfie in front of ‘The Bean,’ before she took us on a white-knuckle ride back to her parents’ house in her dad’s car.
I still can’t believe she stole her dad’s car.
Actually, I can.
Brinley Wilder is the craziest girl I know, and the more I’m with her, the more I crave her. Her spunk. Her smile. Her wild side. But there’s more to her than that. She’s passionate. She’s caring. And she’s a fighter.
We’ve been back at her parents’ house for an hour. Both of her parents were gone by the time we got here. It’s been weird. Despite them requiring that she be here, there hasn’t been any real conversation between Brynn and her parents. Now I see why she hates coming home. My parents and I don’t always get along, but there are always conversations—I might not like what we talk about, but they care enough to speak to me.
I make myself comfortable in the media room, turning on ESPN, while Brynn goes upstairs to start getting ready for the gala. I still have time before I need to change, so I reach into my pocket to pull out my phone. There’s a text message waiting for me.
She’s notourgirl. She’s my girl. Mine.
